Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2009. Seeing this photo always makes me smile! I am not sure if it is because Mattie's smile looks a lot like Sponge Bob's or the simple notion that Mattie knew I did not care for Sponge Bob and he was hamming it up to show me how much he loved this gift! Either case to me this photo is priceless and precious.
Quote of the day: Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
In the mail yesterday I received a book from my long time friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy sent me the book, How to be a friend to a friend who's sick. Nancy clearly met the author of this book, because I have a signed copy! Now the book's title may scare some people off, but to me, it is right up my alley. In fact, Letty (the author) could have written this book just for me. Of course she didn't. The author is a cancer survivor, who not only shares her personal perspectives but that of over 80 people she interviewed from Memorial Sloan Kettering to write this book. The premise of the book is fascinating because it gives us better insights in how to continue our relationships, our connections, and our bonds with our friends when illness comes between us. One may pause and ask, does illness really change a friendship? The answer from my perspective is a resounding YES!!! Illness changes everything about us and then if you should experience death, well that adds to the complexity! Letty's book discusses some of the things people said to her and her comrades during their illness journey, but more importantly it gives us some insights into ways to stay connected, and I have a feeling some of this may be humorous and heart breaking at the same time. All I know is I read the prologue today and I immediately identified with the book. I felt that Letty was able to put down in words things that are jumbled in my head and that I can't quite explain about friendships.
Today Peter and I celebrated our anniversary! It is a surreal experience in many ways that we have been together all these years. We met in college! To be specific, I met Peter when I was 19 years old, and when you are 19, you can't even imagine that some day you will have a child that will develop cancer and die. It just isn't part of the plan, much less even a possible reality! Yet this is our reality. As I told Peter at dinner tonight, I am surrounded by women who constantly share their news with me about family members getting married or having babies. To the average woman this is all positive news. To me, this news is bittersweet. It is hard to explain, but once you lose your child to cancer, I see the odds and potentials for cancer as high in everything around me!
As I write this, I am sitting in Peter's office. We went out to dinner and got caught in a horrible rain storm walking back home from the restaurant. So we diverted to Peter's office for a while. Sitting at Peter's desk, I am surrounded by what Peter's sees each day at work. Photos of Mattie and other Mattie trinkets! Mattie is a part of our lives and yet it is an infuriating existence that he isn't physically part of our lives. On our anniversary, we naturally celebrate the fact that Peter and I are together and are working through a great tragedy, but always acknowledge who is missing at the table with us.
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