Sunday, July 3, 2022

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2002. Mattie was literally a few days old. My parents were in town and frankly I did not know if I was coming or going. I had a difficult labor and delivery, and landed up with an emergency c-section and bladder surgery. I was physically and emotionally a mess and dealing with a lot of pain. I clearly had post-partum depression and I think the hospital staff truly empathized and were willing to keep me hospitalized for longer. However, I decided to go home after five days. For all of Mattie's life, we lived in our townhouse in Washington, DC. A place that will always hold our family's memories. I remember each room, each Mattie moment, and wonder if Mattie will keep a watch over the new couple now living in our space. 

Quote of the day: What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce. ~ Karl Lagerfeld

I fell asleep last night but at midnight, I heard my mom screaming. It turned out that Sunny came up the stairs and walked into my parent's room. My mom thought Sunny had to go outside, perhaps because he was having another bout of diarrhea (from chemo). Her screaming woke me up. Since Peter hasn't been sleeping well, I addressed the problem myself. I put Sunny's physical therapy harness on and carried him down the flight of stairs. Neither Sunny or I enjoy this process. I was going to let Sunny outside and then I noticed lightning. That is why Sunny was upstairs, he was frightened. So I calmed him down and sat with him for thirty minutes until the storm passed over. Then he was fine. He is one smart and sensitive pup!

This evening after taking my parents out for dinner, I checked my email. I received a lovely message from our friend Maria. Maria works in the complex we used to live at in Washington, DC. We have known Maria for years, and she knew Mattie pre and post cancer. She has been a huge supporter of ours and she is definitely one of the people I miss seeing weekly. Maria let me know that after long renovations of our townhouse, someone is now living in it. They are a newly engaged couple! Sounds so much like Peter and me when we moved there in 1994. The world and our lives were SO SO different back then. 

Maria shared with me a link to our renovated space! I snapped photos from the web link. This is now what my SECRET GARDEN looks like! Not so secret and the garden is lost. It is a perfect outdoor space in the city and so much can be done with this space. 

This was what my secret garden once looked like. I LOVED this deck, our plantings, and of course this space brought Mattie great happiness. Hours of enjoyment and play happened here year round. Patches and Indie (our cats) also loved sitting here in the spring and summer, and were always pleased with the bird traffic our space brought in! We even received hummingbird visits!

The updated front hallway. 

The way our hallway used to look. Peter and I painted every room in our townhouse ourselves. We did this after Mattie died. I am not sure why, other than it was some sort of rebirth in our spirit. Or at least our attempt to take back control of our lives and also return to organization and a way to more effectively display Mattie's creations. 

I will always remember this long hallway wall! During Mattie's birthday, I would practically wallpaper the wall with paper activities and games. Mattie and his friends could draw, color, and write all over this activity wallpaper. We kept it up for about a week, and Mattie loved it!

The current view of the first floor. 

The way our living room used to look. I always referred to this space as 'my room with a view.' The big tree outside this window is an oak. This oak provided leaves each spring for Mattie's tent moth caterpillar collection. These moths apparently only ate oak! 

The current view of the second floor. 

What our second floor used to look like. Mattie's pictures lined the staircase. Peter gave me these photos one year as a mother's day gift, after Mattie died. I love these photos and they now line the staircase of our house. 

The master bedroom. 

This is what our bedroom used to look like! It was a great room, filled with light and this window, was like having a bird's eye view of the world. It was at this window that Mattie learned about cars, trucks, and airplanes. We would look out this window countless times when Mattie was a baby and toddler. 

The second bedroom. 

This second bedroom belonged to Mattie and then became Mattie Miracle's headquarters. This photo was taken by a photographer for The Washington Post. I remember every Mattie moment in this room, even the ones when he came home between hospital treatments. Mattie would sleep in his bed, and I would sleep on the floor to monitor him throughout the night. That was needed given that Mattie was always hooked up to IVs (even at home). Mattie's room had an incredible walk-in closet. After Mattie died, you wouldn't believe how much stuff I got into this closet! Peter built out the closet will all sorts of shelving. The closet was amazing! Not only did it contain our things, but it contained most of Mattie Miracle's paperwork and memorabilia!