Saturday, July 20, 2024Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2002. Mattie was three months old. Literally Mattie's car seat came with us everywhere! Why? Because it was the only thing he did not mind sitting in. Otherwise, Mattie preferred to be carried around by me, which was fine, but not practical 24/7. All I can say is I will never have regrets. I gave Mattie my undivided attention, time, and love and in the process, he gave me a lifetime of memories. He's unforgettable.
Quote of the day: Each night I put my head to my pillow I try to tell myself I’m strong because I’ve gone one more day without you. ~ Unknown
One day I did a google search about husbands who abandon their wives, and I came across this family counselor named Vikki Stark. She has her own story and from her own experience she started to do research and landed up talking to countless women all over the world who face this phenomenon. One of the books she wrote is Planet Heartbreak. I started reading some of the chapters, each written by a different woman whose husband left her and in each case, each wife had NO IDEA this was coming. NONE! I am sure it is hard to believe because we as human look for logical explanations, reasons for bad things happening, and frankly I would be thinking this right along side of you. However, I unfortunately am living this reality and know that the unexplainable can happen without warning. Any case, I flagged three chapters which I read to my mom and Karen this morning. Why? Because what these women were describing sounded SOMEWHAT familiar to my story. Not the same, but there were eerie similarities. What I did not like about the book is that each chapter doesn't delve into causes, explanations, or more reflections from each of these women that could be of great help to the reader. Nonetheless, one chapter in particular was deeply honest. Now a year later, this woman is NOT the same, she emotionally doesn't trust people and has no interest in ever getting involved with another man. BINGO! Someone who is honest! After all when you give your heart for decades to one person and then find out that this person neither loves, respects, or values you, it does a number on your mind, heart, and soul.
Karen and I both had a chocolate brownie extreme Blizzard!
My mom had a hot cocoa Oreo Blizzard!My dad loved his frosted animal cracker Blizzard. Our selfie!
At any given moment, I can be a bundle of different emotions. For the most part I can fly off the handle or I can feel very sad. Truly it is emotionally exhausting and honestly I would love a day, week, or month break from this heartache. But that isn't how it works.
We all had a nice dinner together. I made shrimp scampi, arborio rice, and a stew of summer squash, zucchini, tomatoes (which Karen brought from a NY farmer's market) and my garden basil and oregano.
Some times when I do things around the house or outside of the house, I think of Peter! I think..... oh I have something to tell him, to share with him. But then that wave of reality hits and I know, forget it, he doesn't want to hear from me and once again, sadness prevails.
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