Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2002, shortly after Mattie was born. My parents were visiting for California. Keep in mind that I gained over 50 pounds while pregnant with Mattie. As you can see, even after he was born, I was much larger than my pre-pregnancy weight. I literally was filled with fluid, you could poke a finger into me and you could see an impression left from the finger. It took me almost a year to return to some sort of more normal weight. I was also dealing with recovering from an emergency c-section and had developed post-partum depression. What I will never forget, is that people kept asking me if I was pregnant again, because I was so big. Rest assured that did not make me feel good, when I was already struggling physically. Mattie and I went through so much together, we learned a lot from each other, and his presence is missed each and every day.
Quote of the day: He’d trade anything to be back there in the past, rather than to deal with what was going on in the present. ~ Jason Medina
Today was my dad's first day home after 4 days in the hospital. When I woke up this morning, my mom was already up and in the shower. I decided to peek into their bedroom to check on my dad. Sure enough he was wandering around the bathroom unsure of what to do! His trigger to get up, and his confusion occurred because my mom was out of the room. So I helped him back to bed and propped him up with pillows and turned on his heating blanket.
After I got myself together and made breakfast, I then went upstairs to get my dad up! Sure enough, my mom moved away all the pillows I arranged under my dad's arms and legs. This leaves my dad in a very strange and awkward position. Which triggers backaches. No matter how many times I tell her NOT to MOVE the pillows, she moves them. Her memory issues are quite significant, so much so that she did not recall changing my dad's depends this morning. I always know when a depends is used during the night or early morning, because I only leave ONE in a basket. It is the best way I have learned to track what is going on. My dad is unable to put on a depends himself, which means my mom has to be involved in the process.
My dad needed a good shower this morning, as he did not bathe since Wednesday. In the hospital, they no longer bathe or shower patients. It is a liability because a patient could slip or fall, and get injured. The problem of course is that patients land up not getting fully clean each day. Which of course isn't good for their skin. What I forgot to do during this admission was shave my dad each day! Wow this morning was overwhelming. Normally I use an electric shaver on him, but his beard was too thick for the shaver to work. I literally did not know what to do! I never used a razor on him or shaved any man for that matter, so I was hesitant. But then I rationalized with myself. I have been able to maintain this house and do the impossible each day, so for goodness sakes... how hard could shaving be? So I got out the shaving cream and shaved him! He did not like how it felt, but I did not nick him and there was no bleeding! So I have mastered shaving. My resume is growing!
If you ask my dad where he was yesterday or for most of the week, he has NO IDEA! I then asked him about his time in the hospital. He is clueless, he doesn't recall being in the hospital. I know he can't remember one minute to the next, but I would have thought the experience of being somewhere different, would have registered on some level. My dad is like a sieve, things come in, but they don't stay, they immediately leave his mind. Which is why he can't recall where my husband is, he can't recall he was in the hospital, or that he had sepsis, and today I could see that he really remembers nothing about his own brother. All I can say is Alzheimer's is quite a disease. Fortunately my dad is good natured, loves his family (or what he can remember of it), and is appreciative of all that is done for him.
Meanwhile, my mom continues to have issues with her feet. I have been struggling with her toe pains for months now. I have taken her to four different doctors and none have solutions. Two nights ago, I cut her toenails very short, hoping that would help. It helped for one day, and now the pain is back. It is very overwhelming because even in rain and cold weather, she is wearing socks and sandals. Her walking is beyond awkward and her in-home physical therapy can't start soon enough!
Later today, the sun was out, so I continued the exterior painting that I have been working on. Given that I always start things later in the day, I can't spend much time working outside, because it gets dark. But I take it one day at a time, and do the best I can do.
As Monday approaches, I need to call my insurer to find out if I need to cancel my breast MRI scheduled for Wednesday. My doctor's office has been trying to advocate for my care, but since I haven't heard that the scan is approved, there is no way I am paying out of pocket for an MRI. Then I also need to call my HVAC company. The second floor remains COLD, my parents are uncomfortable, and I have to get a handle on this problem. The HVAC company wants to sell me a new furnace, and I am in NO MOOD for their hard sell. I want them to think creatively to figure out a solution that DOESN'T involve a new furnace. I am SO SICK of fighting each and every day for something, and when I am not fighting, I am dealing with a crisis. I live in a state of constant hyperalert, and I truly can't believe that the one person I counted on to support me and to be there for me to death do us part, has forgotten me completely.
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