Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2009. Mattie had completed 9 months of chemotherapy (as well as had two limb salvaging surgeries, a sternotomy, and experimental immunotherapy treatment) and our hope was that we could focus on Mattie's physical rehabilitation, so that he could return to school in the Fall. That of course never happened, as a month later, we learned that Mattie's cancer metastasized.
In this particular photo, we were home from the hospital and we were working on building a Lego Taj Mahal! This was a challenging and a multiple day project. Mattie loved it! To this day, I still have one of the turrets from this Lego set on display in my office!
Quote of the day: He understood divorce in a macro way, of course. But he had not yet adjusted to it in a micro way, in the other-side-of-the-bed-being-empty way, in the nobody-to-tell-you-were-running-late way, in the you-belong-to-no-one way. ~ Taffy Brodesser-Akner
I truly can't make up my day to day existence. I ran around doing all sorts of chores today, including grocery shopping. When I got home, I dealt with putting things away, doing the laundry, and paying bills. In the midst of this I addressed several questions from the mortgage assumption company. This process is down right mind numbing. I am not sure why it has to be this difficult, as my parents and I have been paying the mortgage since my separation in 2023. Therefore, seriously give me a break! The assumption process is as labor intensive as refinancing. The latest debate is over bank statements I am supplying them. They keep arguing that these are snapshots and not full statements. I even called our bank to double check that I am sending the right documents, and they confirmed I was indeed sending the correct statements. My bank knows this but the mortgage company doesn't!
Any case, mid-day, I took my mom out! Don't you know while I was ordering teas and snacks for me and my mom, my phone rang and it was my mortgage agent. Since my phone was on silent, I didn't hear the call, but could see the message as soon as I sat down. As I mentioned in a previous blog posting, whenever I see that 1-800 number, my heart practically jumps out of my chest. All I know is I can't catch a break anywhere.
I decided about 90 minutes later to head home with my, so I could return the mortgage agent's phone call and also send the financial paperwork to our CPA for the Foundation's annual audit. In the midst of doing all of this, I also picked up the mail. Another thing I have come to hate! No good news comes in the mail. I never know what nightmare will be greeting me. Today was no different. I got a letter from Cigna, my health insurer.
I learned that my health plan is getting discontinued on December 31, 2026. I can't tell you what that did to me today. I worked very hard getting this individual plan in 2025, when I was no longer covered through my marriage. It wasn't easy getting a plan in general based on my zip code and the fact that I am not working. If you don't bring in any money, you can't even apply through the Affordable Care Act. The only thing I would qualify for is Medicaid. Fortunately, I have my parents, and they are helping me afford a private plan. Given all the research I did previously, I was scared that I wouldn't find an insurer for 2027.
I called Cigna, and I learned they are pulling out of the state of Virginia. So it isn't just my plan, it is ALL plans. I asked them what I should do to find another insurer, and they recommended I look through the Virginia Marketplace (which is the ACA), just to see what insurers cover my geographic location.
So I did that, but in the process I seemed to get connected to a health insurance agent. This is where my afternoon took a turn for the worse. I will NEVER make this mistake again, as my phone has been ringing off the hook all day and evening. Agents trying to work with me to sell me a health plan. Since they basically work for the insurer themselves, and are salaried employees, their incentive is to sign me up for one of their plans. I only spoke to one agent, which was more than enough. He started off nicely, but then wanted specifics about me.... such as my height, weight, etc. I basically said to him.... I don't know you, I don't know who you work for, and I do not feel comfortable discussing anything about myself with you! He then said, he was there to help me and these are questions all insurers will ask me. Maybe, but I rather know I am talking directly to an insurer. He then proceeded to tell me that I was overpaying for my current plan and that I could get plans now without any deductibles.
I am not sure if he knew who he was talking to, but I know that the types of plans I want to have always have deductibles! So I am sure there are wonderful health insurance agents out there, but I know this model doesn't work for me. I do not want to be pushed into a decision, I do not want to be pressured, and I most certainly do not want someone telling me what is good for me. I am done with that! So I thanked him and hung up, and have ignored all the other calls and text messages I got from other agents today.
I then decided to reach out to every major health insurer that I knew of that works with my core team of doctors. This landed me up with Anthem. I have had Anthem in the past when married, but unfortunately couldn't get an Anthem plan in 2025, because they weren't covering my geographic location. Any case, I called and spoke to a lovely intake coordinator named Amy, who then connected me with Pam. Two amazing women. Pam commended me for taking a proactive approach to finding a plan and she said she wished all her customers were like me. Health insurance is vital and this is not something I will ever forgo, because I know the expense of all medical care and procedures. Any case, Pam recommended that I wait to get closer to open enrollment in November. But she did one more step for me, she added me to her call list in October, so we can start going over plans then. I now have her work email and direct phone number. So though I am deeply upset to say good-bye to my health insurance plan, I am very grateful that I got connected to a person like Pam.
What I do know, is I am very, very, very tired of constant stress, panic, and crises. While juggling phone calls, I am dealing with caregiving, the Foundation, the cat, and trying to make dinner. Somewhere along the line today, I said..... I miss having a husband, someone to share life's ups and downs, and someone who has my best interest at heart. It is daunting to be solely responsible for everything and to not have a peaceful moment in over five years.
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