Tuesday, July 14, 2026

Tuesday, July 14, 2026 -- Mattie died 854 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. Mattie was a year old and this was his very first trip to the beach. It was a hard beach trip, because Mattie was afraid of the water and hated the texture of the sand. That was our first and last trip down to the shoreline that year. As you can see, Mattie couldn't take his eyes off the water and he most certainly did not want me to let go of him! A year later.... Mattie loved the beach, but of course at that time, I had no idea that a year could make such a difference!

Quote of the day: My heart has a small dark chamber, an orphanage of my abandoned hopes. Every time I walk in there, I see you. I don't know why I cry. ~ Njau Kihia

Out of my office window today, I saw a bright red flower. I knew exactly what it was.... it was a gladiola. My other half planted gladiola bulbs in 2022. My former mother-in-law's mother was named Gladys. Therefore these gladiolas were a tribute to Gladys. Here's the irony of this.... I have lived in this house all these years.... but this is the first year in which a gladiola actually bloomed! I view this as a sign and I sent it to my former mother-in-law. 

Tomorrow would have been my 31st wedding anniversary. How does one acknowledge this day? Just like when Mattie died.... no one sends me birthday cards and no one is celebrating. My wedding has now been lumped into the same category..... another occasion which people try to erase and don't talk about. Yet this is my history, this has been my world since I was 19 years old. While it might be easy for others to brush the whole thing under the rug, it isn't that way for me AT ALL. This photo was taken in 2012. Why am I in front of this stone house? Because this was where we held our rehearsal dinner for our wedding. We were in Harrison, NY in 2012, and I wanted to visit this special place 17 years after we were married. 

This stone house is actually referred to as "the Mansion." It was once the countryside estate of architect John Carrere. This Normandy style mansion was built from stone quarried right from the property and rivals the estates in the historic Hudson valley. Carrere's famous works include the NY Public Library, The US House of Representatives and the US Senate. 

Do you see the little brass bell with the flower on it? We had a special rehearsal dinner and the gift we gave to all our guests at the dinner was this little brass bell. We had guests ring the bell during dinner to celebrate our pending nuptials. To this day, I still have this bell in my office. 

Now check out the little silver woman holding a cup over her head. This is called a bridal wedding cup. It was given to me by my former in-laws. In the 16th century, the cup was used as a wedding toast in which the groom drank from the larger skirt-cup, then flipped the entire piece and pivoted the smaller cup for the bride to drink from simultaneously without spilling a drop! I still have this cutie in my office, right next to the bell.

Then there was this Lladro statue of a bride and groom. We nicknamed this statue "lefty" because when I shipping it from California (where my parents lived at the time) to NY (where my wedding was), the statue broke at the left thumb. We glued it together and it was our wedding cake topper. My mom wanted to get us an intact statue, but I liked the story behind lefty and I decided.... no, I like the broken one. For years, it was our  family's inside joke! 

A shelf in my office.... you can see the wedding cup, the bell, "Lefty" and the tea cup with the roses on it (with white almonds inside). This cup was the wedding favor we gave to all our guests. I love roses and my wedding bouquet was all roses and the centerpieces were all roses too!

Can you see the glorious rose centerpiece on one of our wedding tables? I will never forget visiting the florist in New Jersey. They had refrigerators of flowers for as far as the eye could see and together we designed something that looked Victorian and magical. 

I share these photos because this is my history, this is the commitment and devotion I have had to my marriage, and why it is devastating that such an incredible union was destroyed.