Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tonight's pictures were taken in June of 2009. Mattie had his first and only sleepover. He stayed at Ann's house, and for two days he had a great time. Last night, Ann sent me an e-mail. The subject header of the e-mail was "friends." When I opened the e-mail, she had attached pictures of Mattie and Abigail together from their famous sleepover weekend. I selected two to share with you tonight, because they spoke to me. The one on the left was taken in Abigail's room. Mattie and Abigail were looking at a book together, and Mattie clearly seemed very comfortable and focused. The picture on the right, with Mattie and Abigail sitting outside, is simply charming to me. We can't see their faces, yet somehow in this position, there was a story to be told. Despite not knowing exactly what they were talking about, it is very clear to me that both of these pictures speak to the beauty of friendship. Abigail always treated Mattie as Mattie, not Mattie, the boy with cancer. I suppose that is the beauty of their relationship which continues to capture my mind and heart. Mattie and Abigail showed me what friendship is about, in that, all moments shared together are special regardless of the circumstances.
Poem of the day: Remembrance by Brenda PenepentTears fall from my eyes
As softly the memories flow
With tears, salty on my tongue.
I miss you so much.
Tomorrow is frightening
Except for the thought
Of seeing you again,
Another time, another place.
I hear your voice;
In my dreams you come.
We talk and laugh
About silly, important things.
Each day without you is less:
Less bright, less full…less.
I feel your love with me,
Yet, I want you to hold.
Faith in God eases the pain
For moments, sometimes days.
Still, I cry, but not for you,
For the loss I feel in me.
This morning I met up with Ann to go walking in her neighborhood. I remember walking with Ann one other time, when Mattie was in kindergarten. I met her one morning and we walked with two other women. I recall that morning two years ago, because it left a lasting impression on me. Ann is a power walker, and can really walk at a fast clip. Back then, though I don't comfortably walk at that pace, I could keep up with her without a problem. I was in better shape and was more physically fit. However, now, after many months in a hospital, and now dealing with grief, my lifestyle is anything but active. There were many times today I had to get Ann to slow down, because I honestly couldn't keep up. She adjusted to me, and did not make me feel inadequate for my clear lack of ability. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but reflect on the amazing physical toll Mattie's cancer and death has placed upon me. I am not the same person physically or mentally that I was when I entered this ordeal back in July of 2008.
I spent a good portion of the day outside in Ann's garden. It was a very hot and humid day today, but for the most part, I thrive in this temperature. Therefore for me working in her garden was quite nice. Over lunch today, we had a very philosophical conversation about what happiness means, how to achieve happiness, and what makes people resilient. Clearly we know that two people can be faced with the same set of circumstances, yet they may react completely different and thereby cope very differently. The question is why? We know that some people are more resilient than others, but again why?
I will post more Walk pictures tomorrow night. Tonight, I decided to post three pictures from tonight's fundraising event. Our friend, and Peter's colleague from his Arthur Andersen days, Wasfi, was a guest bartender at a wine bar, called Twisted Vines in Arlington, VA. Wasfi is not a professional bartender, but he took on this role so that whatever tips he generated tonight could go to the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. It was a very clever fundraising venture, and it was so wonderful to see so many Arthur Andersen buddies in attendance. It felt as if we had a mini reunion in a way. But it speaks to the character of Andersen employees. Enron may have dissolved the company in 2001, but the spirit of the company and most importantly the relationships between colleagues are very strong and alive today. It was very evident tonight at this fundraiser, and I wanted to share some pictures with you!
Left: Wasfi, our friend, was the guest bartender. He is holding up his tip container, and all tips went to the Foundation tonight.
Right: The Andersen family. From left to right is Dan, JJ, Tom, Sybil, Josh, Susannah, Wasfi, Chris, Peter, Jason, and Vicki.
I continue to be in amazement by how Mattie's story has impacted the lives of others, and I am especially thankful for our community's continued support.
I would like tonight's posting with three messages. The first message is from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "You had a very typical "letdown" after the march and the visits; I am glad you recognized your exhaustion and gave yourself some much needed rest. Right now you are working from "event to event" and as each one comes to a conclusion there is a sense of loss and confusion as there is once again no clear goal nor a solid routine to fall back on. Tomorrow is Mattie's tree dedication ceremony; I am sure that will be a lovely and meaningful one for all who can attend and I look forward to seeing some pictures on the blog. I think soon you are going to be ready to put some sort of "work routine" into your life; perhaps beginning with some kind of part time position. You may have to try some different things to figure out what will be meaningful for you; you have so many gifts and talents that I know you will have many choices. As you search for your new direction, I send you the energy of my practice to help you find your way. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
The second message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "I just checked out Emily's photos and loved the clip with MMCF beads. What a great idea! Everything that your group is coming out with is terrific and shows their commitment to Mattie, Peter, and you. Your Foundation is a blessing and a gift to all the families that struggle with this disease now or who will be affected by it in the future. I'm glad that you rested after your emotional morning. Even the beans were a gift for and from Mattie. You have taught so many how to be in the moment. I know that you don't always feel like you are doing this,yet, your blog is very focused and current. The pictures illicit the emotion and help to tell your story. I am glad that Karen and your folks were with you and it was great to see new pictures of them. I have enjoyed your Mom's writings too. They did a wonderful job raising you and you have taken their lessons to a new height. Today will be a hot one in NY as I suspect it will be in DC so please remember to drink plenty of water and pace yourself."
The third message is from one of Mattie's favorite HEM/ONC nurses. Kathleen wrote, "I am so glad that the walk was so successful!! I just watched the news clip about it, it was great and so inspirational. I am glad that you were able to raise awareness and inspire others. You two are remarkable people!! I wanted to share a quick little story with you. I waited until we moved out here to Kansas City to plant my Mattie forget-me-nots. Unfortunately we lost track of time and had our seeds soaking in water longer than the desired amount of time. So for weeks and weeks I kept waiting for the flowers to sprout, and Tony would kindly remind me that they might not grown because of soaking them too long. He's kindly say we could pick out other flowers to plant in memory of Mattie, but I kept on saying we just had to wait a little longer. On Sunday we were sitting out on our patio and were talking about your walk. I was saying I hope you had better weather than us (it was dark and dreary out) and that I hoped you had a great turn out. After talking I decided to water our plants and sure enough, Mattie's flowers had sprouted! I just knew it was a sign! I wish I could have been there on Sunday, but please know that I was thinking of you both and was there in spirit. As was your beautiful son, Mattie!! Take care Vicki and Peter. And please stay in touch!!"
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