Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tuesday, March 4, 2014 -- Mattie died 234 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2004. Mattie was almost two years old. As you can see he was outside with us exploring the snow on our deck. One of the many things I loved about Mattie were his cute and very soft cheeks. It wasn't unusual for us to rub cheeks with each other. Mattie wasn't a very touchy feely kind of kid for the most part. However, he had his affectionate moments and during those times, there would be cheek rubs or nose to nose contact so that Mattie could look deep within my eyes. 

Quote of the day: Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side... ~ Unknown

When I got up this morning, I heard a chirping from Mattie's window. But it wasn't a sound I typically hear coming from our deck. When I looked out the window, this is what a saw.... a female Cardinal. She isn't as brilliantly red as her male counterpart, but her chirping sound is very distinctive. In the city, we get hundreds of sparrows a day, but seeing this cutie was a real treat for me. While I was seeing birds, so was my friend Mary at the bird feeders I set up for her. Mary's caregiver let me know that they were visited by cardinals, blue jays, and sparrows today! It only took the birds five days to find the seed, which is remarkable, given the fact that they are not used to being fed in that location. However, I think the snow helped greatly because the birds could easily see the feeders! It made me happy to know that a part of nature is now with Mary. 

I had the opportunity to see both of my friends today who are ill. As my lifetime friend Karen said to me today....... is this really a good idea? It was a good question given the fact that I am balancing a lot, have been sick and depleted for so long, and of course the sheer emotional impact of such visits. During one of my visits today, I had the opportunity to chat with my friend's daughter and interact with her grand daughter who is 3. She is a precious age and aspects of her remind me of Mattie. Fully on, engaged, and smart as a whip. Any case, I care about my friend and it is so nice to have the opportunity to get to know her family in this meaningful way. I rarely have the chance to see or play with a child any more, so it is ironic that my friend's grand daughter gravitates to me. While I was rubbing lotion on my friends hands and arms, the little one wanted lotion too. She was so excited by getting some on her hands and her sheer joy and energy made all of us laugh and feel better today. This kind of energy can only really be generated in a child and yet it is contagious. One of the many things Peter and I miss about Mattie. Life from an adult lens is fine, but at times boring, or perhaps stagnant. Definitely not the case when you see the world through the eyes of a child. 

Later in the day, I had the opportunity to see my friend Mary. Mary slept for a good portion of my visit, but then awoke and saw me. I was so happy to see her perk up, open her eyes, and eat ice cream with me. I am quite used to one way conversations now with Mary, I have been for some time. I told Mary about a concert I went to on Friday with my friend Heidi. The concert featured Irish music, with a band from Ireland. Mary loves Irish music, so though she couldn't come to the concert, I brought her a CD back for her to listen to. So today we heard it together and I chatted with her. Mary maybe declining, but there is no doubt in my mind that while I am talking to her, she is listening, tracking me, and enjoys the most basic of human needs..... touch and connection.