Tonight's composition of Mattie was actually sent to me today from one of my Facebook friends, Tim Beck. Tim does these photo creations for hundreds of parents all over the United States. He is not a fellow cancer parent, but instead a person who volunteered at a children's hospital in Arizona and from that experience was inspired to help families by capturing memories for them. He does this without compensation. The photos that Tim incorporated in this creation all are significant. The tiny cube features a photo of Mattie during Halloween 2008, our last Halloween together. The medium sized cube has a photo of Mattie and I together on July 23, 2008, his diagnosis day, and the large cube features a photo of Mattie with his tent moth caterpillars taken in the spring of 2007. Capturing tent moth caterpillars was a spring tradition.... Mattie loved the metamorphosis process and then of course our moth releasing party on our deck.
Quote of the day: The loss of children is a pain all bereaved parents share, and it is a degree of suffering that is impossible to grasp without experiencing it first hand. ~ Paula Stephens
A Facebook friend in Canada, who also lost his son to cancer, posted an article on his page today entitled, "What I Wish More People Understood about Losing a Child." I must admit that typically I do not like reading such articles, especially when the article decides to enlighten us by sharing a top 10 list of dos or don'ts. I normally find the lists very trite and not genuinely honest about the nature of grief. However, I have to say that this article resonated with me and this mom's tip list was spot on. Paula Stephens detailed very meaningful aspects of loss that so many parents feel and by sharing this knowledge provides insights to friends and family on ways to help us.... if one should choose to share this journey with us. Paula's tip list includes:
1. Remember our children
2. Accept that you can't "fix" us
3. Know that there are at least two days a year we need a time out
4. Realize that we struggle everyday with happiness
5. Accept the fact that our loss may make you uncomfortable
I have included the article below, if you wish to read it and learn more from this mom's perspective. What she is reporting may or may not sound earth shattering to you, but from my perspective what she is sharing is novel! It is novel because it is open, honest, and quite real. She isn't sugar coating such a profound loss or sharing with those in our lives active strategies they can implement to help us. As if there was such a magic solution to such a profound problem, a problem we never asked to happen in our lives. What she is ultimately saying is that losing child is life altering, lasts a lifetime, and unfortunately it is hard for those in our lives to watch this, experience it, and journey with us moving forward. Which is why in my opinion SO MANY OF US lose friends. I know this has happened to me and as I talk to more and more parents who lost children to cancer, this seems to be a unifying commonality. Those who understand that we can't be "fix" (and like Paula, I had friends use this term with me too), that we have day to day struggles, that happiness isn't really part of our lexicon, and can absorb all that and not walk away from us but instead remain in our lives... I commend you!
What I Wish More People Understood about Losing A Child:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17928/what-i-wish-more-people-understood-about-losing-a-child.html
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