Mattie's Blog and his Fight Against Osteosarcoma

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.

As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki

March 20, 2021

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie was home between hospital treatments and we were playing together in his bedroom. His bedroom was packed with all sorts of toys, books, and gifts! Nonetheless, Mattie dressed up as a knight. Given all his surgeries, he couldn't walk very far, but that did not stop him from playing and engaging me. You will notice an aero mattress in front of Mattie. This was the mattress I slept on when Mattie was home from the hospital. Mattie was always connected to IVs, and there was no way he could be left unsupervised. Especially since he woke up frequently at night to urinate. So Mattie needed help and support 24 by 7, which was an adjustment for all of us.

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 29,772,552
Number of people who died from the virus: 541,659

We went to Mattie's school today to clean up Mattie's memorial trees and decorate them for his birthday. We removed all the Christmas ornaments and replaced them with spring themed items!

The theme we chose was butterflies. I found these wonderful copper colored butterflies and they now are fluttering on Mattie's main tree. Mattie has three memorial trees on the campus, because several died over the years. Therefore, we decorate all the trees.

Since the sun was out and it is a Saturday, there were many families and children on the playground. I always find that this vision makes me angry. As there is happiness all around me, and yet I am decorating a tree for my child who died. It is almost 12 years later and I still haven't found peace with coming to decorate the tree with families and kids playing all around me. I almost want to start shouting that this is solemn ground, so some quiet and respect for this tree would be appreciated. Of course if I did that, I would look like the crazy tree lady.

We always bring a ladder and grabber with us, as the trees are over our heads now. While on campus, we saw the arborist, Tim. Tim has been caring for Mattie's trees since the beginning. In fact as each tree died, Tim paid for the tree's replacement, not the school. He is a wonderful man, who says he never met Mattie, but feels strongly in helping to keep him memory alive. We need to clone Tim.

Around the base of Mattie's tree, you can see our crocuses are coming up, along with daffodils and tulips. We planted bulbs a few years ago, and they continue to sprout up every spring.

This is the third memorial tree planted for Mattie. It is a Yellowwood tree. This tree got hit and almost split in half during a storm several years ago. Yet the tree trunk has now fused together and is stronger than ever.

The Yellowwood tree is decorated with donut ornaments. In honor of Mattie's love of donuts. While in the hospital, Mattie consumed many donuts. He went through several phases, one being donuts.