Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Tuesday, March 21, 2023 -- Mattie died 703 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day the excitement in the pediatric units was the ribbon cutting ceremony for the child life playroom. I can't tell you what a God sent this room was, because when Mattie first started treatment, there was no space to play, interact with others, and just be a kid. The only space allocated before the playroom's existence was the hallways! Mattie was invited to cut the ribbon during the ceremony and one thing Mattie loved even more than building, was being given a task or responsibility! He took on this role was great pride, especially since the playroom brought him joy throughout his challenging medical existence. 

Quote of the day: No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That's the only way to keep the roads clear. ~ Greg Kincaid

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I must have been tossing and turning until 2 or 2:30am. When my alarm went off this morning, I honestly didn't know if I was coming or going. Peter perked up my morning by sending me this photo of rhododendrons in our garden. Ironically, I am in such a state, that I don't even go out and look at them myself. I figure what's the point. 

In addition to my usual tasks, I am also inundated with things that I must complete before next week for this research study we are involved in. Truly without caregiving, these tasks would be a pain, but now anything in which I feel the pressure of a deadline, this causes me anxiety. Which is why I most likely can't sleep. 

This morning, I checked the nanny camera we installed in my dad's bathroom. He was up multiple times last night, and sat on the toilet for 30 minutes at a time (despite installing a clock right in front of the toilet for him). What also caught my attention is after going to the bathroom, he then headed over the sink and looked confused as to what to do. Literally he stood there for five minutes just standing there and rubbing his head. The whole picture was overwhelming to see and at some point, I may just have Peter review this camera each morning, and cut myself out of the process. The footage is very depressing, and it doesn't help my mental state for the rest of the day. 

Given that we did not have planned outings today, I changed my parents linens on their bed. It is quite a task (which I only take on every two weeks), especially when my dad uses about 15 pillows. Needless to say, I have to address their bed, when I don't have morning commitments. 

Meanwhile, Peter has been re-organizing his office space, as he begins his new job in April. When we lived in Washington, DC we had many of these plastic bins. Now they are only taking up space. Not knowing what to do with something, always inspires me to check in with the app, Next Door! 

I can't tell you how many things I have given away for free on Next Door. So we took a photo of these bins and within an hour, I had 7 people who wanted them! I just love the fact that someone else can use these great items and I do not have to worry about packing up the car and donating them.