Thursday, February 20, 2025

Thursday, February 20, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in 2007, on Day #107 in Mattie's preschool year. That day Mattie got to bring in several items from home that he wanted to share with his classmates. You can see the red legs of an Elmo doll on the table behind Mattie, along with a jack in the box next to Elmo. These were the toys Mattie wanted to show the class, primarily because Mattie LOVED Elmo. But this Elmo was battery powered. So, Elmo danced and sang! The jack in the box, also had motion and song. I will never forget the excitement of that day! Mattie learned so much at this preschool. He learned the art of making and keeping friendships, Mattie learned the art of sitting still and listening, not to mention taking turns. Mattie was born on, and was curious, and inquisitive. His preschool understood this and natured these wonderful skills. To this day, the moms I met at this school are still some of my closest friends. It was a tender and special time in our lives. 

Quote of the day: I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. ~ Dr. Seuss

When we bought this house in 2021, the former owner put in a lovely fountain by the porch. I love the sound of a fountain and I try to take good care of it throughout the year. Since I do not know how to shut down this fountain for the winter, I decided to buy a bird bath warming coil. This coil gets plugged into our outside socket and runs throughout the winter. This coil enables the fountain to NEVER freeze! What I have found is that the birds love the fountain, even in the winter time.

Today was the FIRST day I saw countless Robins in the fountain and all over the yard. I view this as the sign of hope.... spring is coming! 

Literally there were Robins in the front yard and all over the backyard. 

Guess who was very engaged over the Robin sightings? YES Miss Indie! She was practically running around from window to window to catch a glimpse of these birds. As silly as this sounds, the antics of Miss Indie brightened my spirit today. 

Maybe it was the grey day, the fact that it was freezing, or just my day to day existence, but today was a down day for me. When I feel this down, I literally can't see a way forward. Naturally I do not have the time to truly focus on this feeling, because I am pulled in twenty different directions on any given day. But if I wasn't caregiving, then what? I have a lot of then what's in my life now! 

I just can't come to peace with what has happened to me and I can't accept that this is what my future holds. I did not get married at age 25, with the thinking that I would age alone. I got married and had a child because the notion was this was going to be my future. How do we course correct, when every aspect of our life falls apart? I may have done it once when Mattie died, but I just don't have it in me now.