Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. I will never forget this moment in time! That day, Mattie had a bone scan. Bone scans for Mattie were usually two hours long. Prepping for the scan was difficult, as Mattie had to fast from eating or drinking anything. In addition, once on the scanner, he had to sit very still. The deal that day was if Mattie complied with the tech, we would take him to the restaurant on campus and sit at a Teppanyaki table (a Japanese style of dining where a chef cooks for you at your table featuring flat-top griddles and often a theatrical chef performances with sizzling food, flames, and tricks). While Mattie was undergoing chemotherapy, he developed a love for shrimp. So the chef grilled shrimp for Mattie and then played a game with us... he wanted to see if Mattie or I could catch a cooked shrimp in our mouths if he tossed it at us. Mattie thought this game was hysterical!
Quote of the day: The dead are immune from our prison of Time. The distance between the living and dead may be vast, but the space of Time the dead experience when they are reunited with their loved ones is only paper-thin. ~ Suzy Kassem
I took my parents out for lunch today. We go out every Saturday and Sunday, otherwise, the weekends are truly very challenging couped up at home alone. Though we typically go to the same restaurant every Sunday, we went to a different restaurant today that was closer to home. The staff at this restaurant have gotten to know us and when I tell you they come running to help me carry bags and seat cushions I am not kidding. In fact, one of the managers today gave me his cell phone number. He told me he isn't married and is off on Mondays and Tuesdays, and would be happy to help me with my parents any time. He also mentioned he wanted to just help and wasn't looking to be paid. It was a very kind gesture and honestly the person that I am.... I would like to trust people at face value. But guess what? Since my divorce, I now view everyone as having an ulterior motive, a hidden agenda, and therefore, there would be NO WAY ON EARTH I would ever contact, connect, or get close to someone I deemed a stranger. If my judgment could be SO OFF after a 35 year relationship, then anything is possible. I can be fooled once, but I will never put myself in such a position to be fooled again.
While we were eating, there was a group of four men eating nearby. They were older gentlemen and clearly coupled off. One was wearing a hat and thick rimmed glasses. Sounds odd maybe, but it worked for him. Here's the funny part of all of this, we noticed him and he noticed us. He came over to talk to me and my mom twice. He told us he is 80 years old and he wanted to greet us because he admires "beautiful women." Seriously it was an afternoon that just made me want to laugh. Well laugh on one hand and then be angry on the other. There are moments during my day when the reality of my single life hits me. When this feeling washes over me, it is all consuming and I literally can feel that I need to walk around or scream. In the middle of lunch, neither were an option, so I had to keep it together. But seeing couples dining together, talking, and doing what I deem normal things, leaves me wondering...... why don't I have this? It is hard to go from being a couple since I was 19 years old, where we shared everything together, and even survived childhood cancer and great loss, to this. Each day, I wake up and wonder.... is today the day I will find out that all of this was a joke or a bad dream? Don't worry, I haven't lost touch with reality, as I know that day will never come.
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