Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. I will never forget this moment in time. That day, Mattie and his art therapists gathering in the child life playroom together. I wasn't allowed inside, because Mattie was working on a project. Little did I know that the project was a box filled with Valentine's for me, along with this wonderful crown of hearts. When I was invited inside the room, Mattie presented me with all this creations and Jenny (Mattie's art therapist) snapped this photo of us together. This happens to be one of my favorite photos of us together, because it captures exactly what Mattie used to do with me.... touch noses, he would look deeply into my eyes and then flutter his eye lashes.... for butterfly kisses! This seemed like the perfect photo to display on Valentine's Day. A remind of my true love.
Quote of the day: In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word 'divorce' came up. I always figured it came from some root that meant 'divide.' In truth, it comes from 'divertere,' which means 'to divert.' I believe that. All divorce does is divert you. ~ Mitch Albom
A beautiful gift on what I deem a hard day. I think I will always view Valentine's Day as a day of sadness, as it reminds me of the dissolution of my marriage. A commitment that I thought was "always and forever" (ironically this is engraved on my wedding band.... which I still wear).
I took my parents out for lunch today and the restaurant was filled with families, couples, and women celebrating their friendships. As I watched couples taking photos of each other together, it was like seeing my life flashing before my eyes. After all, I looked just like these couples at one time.... yet here I am, alone. These moments always make me pause, because like so many women, I was married and a had a child. However, unlike many women, my child died from cancer and my marriage ended. Neither did I choose, instead I am faced with a constant feeling of the loss of control, a constant downward spiral of grief and loss, and most of all a reminder of how different I am.
But even with all of these many tailspins, I can also appreciate a day in which I am healthy, in which my parents are stable, in which I can pay a bill and not worry how I will make ends meet this month, and I can celebrate the fact that I have the wherewithal, skills, and abilities to manage my parents care and be able to take them out for Valentine's day. I have learned through countless bouts of trauma and loss that life is about acknowledging the small things, as it is the small things that actually matter.
To my faithful blog readers, please know you are loved and appreciated. I thank you for always checking in.... you are a special Valentine's gift to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment