Tuesday, May 26, 2026

Tuesday, May 26, 2026 -- Mattie died 847 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. Mattie was four years old and that day he picked out his very first bicycle! As you can see, Mattie was very excited with this purchase and our commons area in Washington, DC was the perfect way to learn to ride! This commons area holds special memories for me, as it was where Mattie learned to fly a kite, ride a bicycle, play with a dog, and even drive Speedy Red (his ride-on vehicle). 

Quote of the day: You just can’t beat the person who never gives up. ~ Babe Ruth

One of the routines that I do every morning is I use my hand held Dyson vacuum to clean up the first floor. Cleaning and organizing enables me to feel in control of my completely out of control life. Some of you may recall that about a year ago the battery in this vacuum died. I panicked, but had the wherewithal to jump on the Dyson chat feature. That was how I learned about getting a replacement battery, rather than having to throw the whole machine out. When I received the battery, I couldn't unscrew the old one, as I just didn't have the hand strength. So I text messaged my neighbor and I literally went to his house with the vacuum and the battery in tow! He fixed it for me!

So yesterday when the vacuum head broke off, again I got upset. This vacuum was purchased for me by my other half when we bought the house in 2021. I refuse to throw this gift out, and instead have worked on replacing it piece by piece. Just like I did last year, I went back on Dyson chat and together with the help of the representative, I learned about a replacement vacuum head. I am so grateful for Dyson chat, the ability to share photos with them, and their diagnosis and treatment of the problem. Needless to say, a replacement head will come to me this week in the mail, as I am determined to keep this particular machine operational!

It was a hellish day, as I had to take my parents to the hospital, as my dad had to get a CT scan of his head. This was a planned assessment to follow up on his brain bleed from December of 2025. I can appreciate why the neurology team does these periodic tests, but what they don't understand is how complex it is to get a 91 year old to the hospital and let's not talk about getting him onto a CT scan table! Because the hospital requires a lot of walking, I used Mattie's wheelchair today, but it took four of us to get my dad out of the chair and positioned on the table. Once the scan was done, we tried to get my dad to sit up, and swing his legs and feet toward the floor! That was when he started screaming with back pain. His screaming was so intense that the supervisor of the area came running in! I assured him that my dad was okay, and that he has chronic back pain. In fact, my dad is unable to lie flat. He physically can't do it! His neck and head are frozen and he is also unable to straighten out his legs. So when I tell you it is torturous to get him onto scanning tables, I am not kidding. But it isn't just on scan tables, I play all sorts of games to get my dad in and out of bed each day. Every night, as I position him in bed, I am literally standing on top of the mattress, in order to be able to push his back forward to shove pillows behind him. Literally that I don't need a physical therapist myself is remarkable. 

Overall however, I am deeply stressed out about the mortgage assumption and just life in general. Some days I understand the reality of my existence and other days, I just don't get it. It is so confusing to be married for decades, and now not to be. It is like learning that the sky is really the ground and the ground is the sky, and finding out that I had these two backward all of my life. It is confusing, disorienting, and it leaves me questioning every aspect of my life.