Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008. That day we went for a walk on Roosevelt Island. Ironically this photo was taken only weeks prior to Mattie's cancer diagnosis. We visited this Island regardless of the season or weather! When Mattie died, this Island was our refuge and it was a spot of nature that made us feel connected to Mattie. I haven't visited this Island since I moved to Virginia. I miss our trips there and I miss my family.
Quote of the day: The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ~ Carl Jung
This morning, after I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I drove to my doctor's office. I was dreading this appointment, because I was expecting a talking to regarding my high cholesterol level. Instead, I got quite the opposite. For those of you who haven't been following along, I lost my twenty plus year relationship with my primary care doctor, as she retired last year. Her replacement is a younger male doctor. There are moments when I like him and then there are moment when I feel like he needs to be put in his place. Which I did three months ago.
Today I saw the kind, compassionate, and humorous side of this doctor. Instead of flipping out about my cholesterol, he actually commended me for starting an exercise routine, as he feels this is beneficial for me physically and emotionally. He also knows all that I balance, which is why he is super proud of me for making the time to focus on my health. Even if it is for 30 minutes each day. I told him that what exercise is doing for me is empowering me. Because it makes me see that I can take care of myself and that by doing so, that alone makes me feel more in control of my existence. So though he thinks exercise is for me physically, he now sees that for me it is very psychological.
Any case, in two weeks, I am taking a cat scan of my heart to see if I have calcification there, and if I do, that will be another conversation. When I asked him whether I needed to see my parents' cardiologist, his response was... no, he would consider you boring. He had me laughing! Translation in medicine, BORING is FANTASTIC, you want to be boring!
We then got into talking about the benefits of having a dog, as he is thinking of adopting one to go on runs. So naturally that got me to talk about my Sunny! He even looked up photos of Australian Shepherds online while we were talking. But then he revealed to me that his biggest issues are justified resentment and comparisons. He did not elaborate on either of these two items, but I bet you if we had more time together, I would hear all about it, because I think we share a vulnerability. The vulnerability is we feel we have been justifiably wronged and this breeds resentment. I mean INTENSE resentment. The kind that travels with me 24/7! However, we both agreed that we are never going to get the justice we crave and desire, so the thing is we have to learn to live with this feeling without it completely consuming our lives. I could see his wheels turning and you could see that we were having a very in-tune emotional connection. But here I got again, losing another doctor, and having to a face a new one in the Fall! If you haven't figured it out by now, I do NOT like change and I do NOT like being left behind.
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