This picture was taken on Father's Day in June of 2007. Almost a year before we learned of Mattie's cancer diagnosis. Mattie and I took Peter on a DC Duck's tour of Washington, DC to celebrate Father's Day. Mattie was intrigued by these tour buses because they can drive right into the water, and go from a land to a water tour. It was a hot, yet memorable day.
Poem of the day: What Is Grief? by Michele Young
What Is Grief?
Who really knows?
How to do it—and—how it goes
Grief I’m told is letting go
Be it right or be it wrong
Words and feelings to our own song.
Memories flood the tears in our eyes
Do you think our loved one hears our cries?
And how the heart aches to no end
Even knowing that our loved ones’ peace will send.
To feel so lonely and filled with fear
I wonder if the Lord does truly hear?
So our days go by hour by hour
As we smile and carry on with all our power
We stay busy, sometimes too busy to see
And notice in God, we truly need thee.
Our nights are filled with restless sleep
Even knowing you’re in God’s keep
We wake from slumber in the early morning light
To weep our loved one, now, out of sight
We toss and turn and try to pray
Please Lord help us through another day!
And on the day where silence was once cherished
This too, has somehow perished.
Alone we fight the pain, the loss, the sorrow
While waiting for a bright tomorrow
We try to understand words that feel so cold
We try to forgive, we try to be bold
We smile that smile
We walk that walk
We love unconditionally as we feel the pain of their talk.
We do desperately grieve inside
And try to live as God abides
For our pain and sorrow runs so deep
So deep that no one can see us weep.
So grief they say, as they point their finger
Get over it, it’s done, don’t let it linger
But “we” know it doesn’t matter how many days go by
Our hearts will always know how to cry.
So tell me, what is grief and who really knows
How to do it and how it goes?
As soon as the cat woke me up this morning, I checked my e-mail. I wanted to confirm that Peter landed safely in Brussels, which he did. In my mind, I thought Peter was arriving in Virginia at 3:30pm, but I was off an hour. At 2:00pm, he text messaged me that he was at the airport and going through customs. I was absolutely in shock that I had the time wrong. So I quickly put away the groceries I bought, and jumped back into the car, and headed out to the airport. Ironically, the time it took Peter to get through customs gave me enough time to actually drive and park at the airport. Go figure! So it all worked out well. When I saw Peter coming through the customs gate, I actually started to cry. Clearly I was happy to see him and to know he was back safely. Peter traveled for 29 hours straight! Needless to say he was exhausted, and couldn't wait to get home to shower and change his clothes.
When Peter got into the car at the airport, I handed him a vanilla shake. I told him that Mattie would have wanted him to have this in honor of Father's Day today. Peter was speechless, but clearly touched by this gesture. To all the fathers out there reading this blog, we hope you had a very happy Father's Day!
On Peter's arrival at home, Patches (our cat), was thrilled to see him. Patches has a very tight bond with Peter, and frankly I am thrilled that she will now turn to him rather than me at 3 in the morning! I gave Peter two gifts today. Both gifts were framed pieces of art. One was a piece of Mattie's artwork that he created with Peter at the Hospital one evening, and the other piece was the Sumie painting of a camellia flower I painted a few weeks ago. I wanted Peter to know that both Mattie and I were thinking of him today.
We had a nice dinner together on our deck and talked about his trip, all the people he met, and what he was able to accomplish. Peter brought home a couple of Rwandan pieces of art. One is a carved sculpture of a man. Peter titled it "Little Joe." This of course is an inside joke. The last time Peter went to Africa, he came back with this huge sculpture of a man, wearing what looked to be like a hula grass skirt. Mattie and Peter titled this big sculpture, "Smokey Joe." Smokey, because the wood smelled like it had been burned somehow in order to form its shape. It literally smelled like a BBQ. So today's gift made us laugh, because Mattie would have definitely appreciated the title, "Little Joe!" I put Little Joe by one of Mattie's lego structures today.
On Monday and Tuesday of this week, I will be attending Cure Search's Reach the Day event. Here is some background about the event, "Reach the Day marks the 10th annual mobilization of the children’s cancer community in Washington, DC to stress the need for Federal funding for children’s cancer research. In September 2000, at the invitation of Congresswoman Deborah Pryce of Ohio, a small group of parents descended on the nation’s Capitol to provide testimony about children’s cancer to members of Congress. This event took place one year after the death of Congresswoman Pryce’s 9-year-old daughter, Caroline Pryce Walker, from neuroblastoma. Mrs. Pryce, now retired from Congress, continues to be an inspiration to the families who come together for Reach the Day." For more information, you can click on this link:
http://www.curesearch.org/support_curesearch/raise_awareness/index.aspx?id=7070
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I watch you challenge yourself and I sometimes ask myself if I would have the courage to do the same in your position. Being in an environment full of children just before Father's Day had to be so emotionally stressful; I think it is a wonder you managed as well as you did. As your neighbor proved, what is on the outside is not necessarily reflective of what is going on inside you. Some people wear their grief on their faces; their entire demeanor tells you that they are suffering. You don't do that but it doesn't mean you grieve any less; in fact, I think because you work so hard to look together, you sometimes grieve more. Today is Father's Day and I want to let you know that I admire and respect you and Peter for your role as parents; you did an amazing job in Mattie's time here with us. You will always be Mattie's parents to any of us who knew you in that role; that will not change. So Peter, I say thank you this Father's Day for being a great Dad and a role model for others. I hold you both gently in my thoughts."
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