Tonight's picture was taken on July 25, 2009, my birthday. This was my last birthday with Mattie. Mattie created me this beautiful lighthouse birthday card, with the help of my in-laws. Mattie knew how much I love lighthouses, and this special card is something that I cherish. Along with many other priceless items, this card sits in my living room. If you look in the background of this picture, you can see Mattie's Lego Taj Mahal in the upper right hand corner. Needless to say, it hasn't moved much since Mattie created it. As I look at tonight's picture, I think it is quite evident that Mattie and I looked very much alike, and in so many ways when Mattie died, a part of me died too. I can't believe this beautiful face is no longer in my life and I will be unable to receive a wonderful Mattie hug this year.
Poem of the day: I've missed you.
A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
My day began with reporting to jury duty. In all reality, I most likely should have rescheduled this service date, because there was the possibility that I could be called back on friday if I was empanelled on a trial today. Peter and I are very much looking forward to going to the beach tomorrow, so jury duty was really not high on my list. However, I decided to take a chance and navigate through the system. Since we report to jury duty every two years, Peter and I have had quite a lot of practice working through the DC jury system. This was the first time I was asked to report in at 10:30am, rather than 8:30am. Unlike Peter, I have never attended jury duty and been dismissed from service for the day. When I got there at 10:30am, I had the opportunity to talk to several jurors who had been waiting around since 8:30am. These were NOT happy folks. While I was waiting in the jurors lounge, I thankfully could use my blackberry. In fact, my friend Carolyn emailed me and told me that when she did jury duty in Virginia, they had jurors shut off all cell phones even while waiting. I told Carolyn if they asked me to do this, I would need a sedative. You can take a lot away from me, but not my blackberry. We all have our vices, the blackberry became mine in July of 2008. However, I don't view it as a vice per se. To me it is virtual support group, that I can take with me wherever I go.
I thank SO many of you who e-mailed me today, you helped to keep my mind busy while I was sitting through this process. At 1:15pm, I had the good fortune of being dismissed from service, and it really was a close call, since they called three large sets of groups from the jury pool during the morning! By 1pm, people around me were getting tired, frustrated, and hungry. Particularly since the lunch break wasn't until after 1pm. However, once our group was dismissed, I noticed an IMMEDIATE change in attitude with everyone around me. It was like we all won the lottery, it was that feeling of elation that fascinated me. I joked with the woman at the jury office, and told her I will see her in two years. She laughed, because she admitted that is true. I told her instead of sending me a jury summons, they should just send me a jury anniversary card!
While sitting near the jurors lounge, I called Whitney's (one of Mattie's favorite childlife interns) sister, Palen. Whitney e-mailed me last night and she told me that her sister wanted to share some excellent news with me today. Whitney wouldn't give me a hint, so when I had a free moment today, I made the phone call. Palen lives in Florida now and is married to a US Navy officer, who belongs to the VP 26 Tridents Squadron. Palen is VERY familiar with Mattie's story, and attended both The March for a Mattie Miracle in 2009 and the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Walk in 2010. Palen has been elected to serve as the Vice President of the VP 26 Tridents Officers Spouses Club, and one of the activities the Club is undertaking this year is a service auction. The Club solicited feedback from its members regarding the charity the group wanted to raise money for this year. Palen told me that the group was deciding among three finalists. One of which was the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. Palen clearly represented our Foundation in a very passionate way, and the group decided that this year's funds from the auction will go directly to our Foundation. I was thrilled and so honored to receive this news, and as I told Palen it is awe inspiring how women who never met us are so committed to our story as well as dedicated to helping other children and their families battle cancer. But Palen made a very astute comment, many of these officers' wives have children or want to have children, and they know how devastated they would feel if they found out their child had cancer. A remarkable group of women! I told Palen, we already love her sister, and now we love her as well for her compassion and advocacy for this vital cause, and for helping us keep Mattie's memory alive. Stay tuned for more details about this exciting event!
When I got home this afternoon, I decided to put Patches' (our cat) carrying case together so that I could transport her to the vet to be boarded this weekend. For some reason I have the darnest time putting this carrying case together, and watching me assemble it, could be a comedy show in and of itself. Mind you I have to lock myself up behind two closed doors so Patches doesn't hear me assembling this case. Because if she senses this, she will hide in the house and it will be very challenging to get her out. Once the case was assembled, I had to track Patches down. She was downstairs, and as soon as I went to try to pick her up, she bolted. I literally ran from one room to the other, and just when she was about to dive under Mattie's bed, I grabbed her. It wasn't pretty but the mission was accomplished. As soon as she enters the vet though, she calms down. She spent so much time at this vet while Mattie was sick, that it really is her second home, and she is VERY comfortable there.
Later this afternoon, I visited with Ann briefly and then headed over to Ellen's house. Ellen is Charlotte's mom, and many of my faithful readers know that Mattie was very fond of Charlotte. In fact, they were talking marriage, which always made Ellen and I chuckle. Mattie and Charlotte had a special bond, he knew how to make her laugh and would always try to stand up for her if he thought he needed to, and Charlotte in return laughed a contagious laugh at all of Mattie's jokes and was a loyal friend. I met with Ellen today so that she could give me the key to her beach house. Peter and I feel very fortunate to be able to use Ellen's house twice this summer, and this gift provides us a much needed break from our daily living environment. Ellen and I chatted about many things, and when Charlotte was done with her piano lesson, we had a chance to chat as well. Charlotte's piano teacher is Rebecca. Rebecca and her husband are music teachers at Mattie's school, and Mattie's teacher was Rebecca's husband. At the end of Mattie's kindergarten year, he gave all his teachers a gift. The gift consisted of a painted clay pot for each teacher and I helped him plant a vinca in each one. Some of you may remember that Rebecca sent me a picture of this vinca several months ago. Vincas are usually annuals, but some how this vinca has decided to be a perennial. Rebecca told me Mattie's vinca is growing strong in her garden, and I told her that Mattie is clearly with her family.
As many of you know, Ellen gave Peter and I tickets to see Mary Poppins. That evening, I bought Charlotte two gifts from the show. Today, I had the pleasure of watching her open them. Naturally I raised a little boy, but when I picked the gifts I tried to remember what I would have liked when I was a little girl. One of the gifts was a musical snowglobe, with a figurine of Mary Poppins in the center. There is something very magical about a snowglobe and to hear the music twinkle away, while the snow is falling seems special. I was happy to see that Charlotte thought so as well. There is something about being in Charlotte's presence that reminds me of Mattie. Charlotte showed me a Ranger Rick magazine today that she was reading and we looked at the animals together and talked about them. Something Mattie would have most definitely done as well!
Peter and I are basically packed and will leave on our journey Friday, after rush hour. I am naturally bringing a laptop to the beach, so you will be hearing from me while we are away. I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I just find it almost incomprehensible that Mattie was diagnosed only two years ago and yet September will see us at a year since his death. I just can't fathom it. I know that you were pleased to have the chance to see Mary (the RCC mom); it is lovely when friendships forged in the heat of battle (that's how I think of cancer, as a full out war) survive and grow afterward. I know that Ann's mom, Mary, was glad to have Ann back but I am sure Mary was pleased to have you there as well. You have become very much an important part of her life. I do hope you can do your jury duty in one day and take off and get away to the beach for the weekend. I am sure you and Peter can use some time away. I am in a grief and loss conference for three days and today was all about helping children process loss. I heard what was said about including children as mourners when someone they are close to dies and I thought about how you put so much effort into finding meaningful ways to include Mattie's friends in his memorial service and how much that meant to them. I am thinking of you constantly during this seminar and hoping that some of what I glean from it will be helpful to you or someone that I do grief counseling with. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
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