Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. It was taken by Emily, one of Mattie's favorite babysitters. Emily lived in our complex and was getting her Master's degree in counseling at the time. Mattie loved Emily, and he really enjoyed his trip to her apartment. He clearly loved one of her chairs, and most likely Emily photographed Mattie in one of his playful moments.
Poem of the day: Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
Based on last night's blog, where I reported that Peter thinks he is walking on the beach with the "invisible woman," Charlie sent me the poem, Footprints in the Sand. I have read this poem many times before, and it is a very touching and spiritual poem. I am not sure if God is walking with us along the beach these last few days, but I was touched by the meaning that Charlie was trying to attach to our special walks in which both of us were walking side by side, and yet only one set of footprints could be seen!
It started raining at the beach last night. A torrential rain like I haven't experienced before, and basically a rain that kept on coming throughout the day. It was my hope on our last vacation day that we could spend it by the beach, but that wasn't meant to be. By noon time, Peter and I decided to venture out and we drove to the town of Bethany Beach. I snapped some pictures of the incredible flooding around us. Keep in mind that this flooding was caused from ONLY one day of rain, but since many of the beach communities do not have storm drains, water accumulates quickly. 
This 
was the incredible view I observed through our windshield while Peter was driving to the town. Some streets were barricaded off because they were impassable. Others were simply entertaining to navigate. But we got into town and many other people were there trying to escape the weather and make the best out of the storm.As we were walking around town, we stopped at several shops. One shop that I wanted to go into, never happened. In order to get into the store, I would have had to wade through at least four to six inches of water. I deemed no shop was worth that adventure. However, while Peter was taking this picture, I was watching some young boys jumping into this lake, which was once a street. They were having a good time, and it was a sight to see.
At some point today, Ann called me and we chatted and I also had the opportunity to talk with her cousin, JP, as well as her mom (Mary), who was spending the day at Ann's house. When I got on the phone with Mary, her first comment to me was I, "miss you." Mary wanted to know how I was feeling and that she was thinking of me and wanted to tell me some things. Unfortunately it is sometimes hard to connect with Mary on the phone, but I got enough from the call to understand that I am on her mind. I connected with Toni, Brandon's mom, today as well, and there is one conclusion I have come to regarding Mary, Toni, and myself. We are all moms who loved/love our sons who have been touched by cancer. Somehow cancer is a unifying factor, regardless of our age differences or our geographical distances. In some respects we understand each other immediately and it is nice to be understood with all our ups and downs.
As tonight is our last night at the beach, I am feeling mixed emotions about leaving. As Peter knows nothing is ever simple with me. Before dinner we walked through Ellen's community, and spotted bunnies (seeking shelter in the rain), and also saw many children outside playing. We saw children on bicycles, tricycles, playing ball, and just having a good time. It was a wonderful sight and also a painful one at the same time. So the next time you will be hearing from me, I will be back in Washington, DC, with all the stresses that our post-Mattie world brings us. Not that the beach was an escape per se, but seeing trees, flowers, birds, and ocean were very good for us.
I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I know I am grateful that Brandon continues to be "no evidence of disease" and I am sure the other blog readers are as well. I will continue to pray that whatever is causing the weight loss is innocuous and stops soon. Those are lovely pictures of your niece and nephews; they look to be full of energy and enthusiasm. I am sure it is difficult for them to understand (as it is for us all) why Mattie died. As you said, children process grief differently from adults and they seem to incorporate it all into their lives and their beings in a much more realistic way. They move into and out of grief and they understand that one cannot and should not be "stuck" in one way of feeling but are open to it all. They may be sad and cry for a while and then go off and do something else. They may invite the spirit of the departed to join them in play or they may tell you how much they miss their friend or family member. If children sense we are accepting, they are very open about how they feel and this is something we adults could definitely learn from. I am glad you and Peter enjoyed your time at the beach and that it was long enough for you to relax some and enjoy your time together. Hopefully, you can do it again in the not too distant future as the ocean seems to be very healing for you. I hold you gently in my thoughts today and hope you enjoy your remaining time in Delaware."
The second message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "In the Jewish religion, we have a prayer said when someone we care about is ill. This is during the time that our Torah (bible) is read. I used to include Mattie's name when I went to synagogue. I would like to add Brandon's name to my prayer. What is his last name? Please let Toni know that others send their hopes for No Evidence of Disease to continue. May they find a simple reason for Brandon losing weight. I wish it worked all the time as we all wanted Mattie to get better. I remember an earlier picture of Sydney, Nat, and Will with Mattie. They are beautiful and growing like weeds. It was lovely that Lisa called and despite the weather you were all able to have a visit. Seeing their faces must have been a mixed blessing, glad to see them having fun and feeling Mattie should be there too. Maybe he was! You did say that you saw toads and had unexpected fire works.Thanks for all the wonderful descriptions of Bethany and Ocean City beaches. They are two areas that friends have talked about and we haven't seen yet, in person. Now we will add them to our list. I know that you are having your last day at the beach. I am glad that you had this time together. Connections are medicine for healing. Each of you seems to bring a strength for the other.Peter, I'm glad that Vicki got to laugh a bit as it seemed that her headaches were back for a few days, too. As we get older, I think, nature does become a special awareness. It gives the soul a chance to rest and focus on the important areas of life, like love, compassion, sharing, gratitude. Not that we may not have them within our daily lives, however, living in a city does take great imagination for the quiet of water, trees, plants, and creatures. I just had a flash of Mattie and his creatures."
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