Tuesday, December 28, 2010 -- Mattie died 68 weeks ago today.
Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2007. It was a frigid night out, but we decided to walk to the White House and see the wonderful National Christmas tree and all the other holiday displays outside on the National Mall. Peter and I had lived in Washington, DC for many years, but this was our first year actually visiting the tree. Mattie loved the tree, the amazing electrical trains displayed around the tree, and the little trees that surrounded this huge tree, representing all of our 50 states.
Quote of the day: There is only one way for you to live without grief in your lifetime; that is to exist without love. Your grief represents your humanness, just as your loves does. ~ Carol Standacher
Well based on tonight's quote, I would then have to say that I AM VERY HUMAN! In fact, every aspect of having Mattie has been an enlightening, humbling, and amazing journey for Peter and I. I have no doubt that every child in this world is special in some way, but Mattie's uniqueness was evident from the very beginning. He pushed us as parents in ways that were unimaginable, and just when we thought we mastered the art of parenting, forget it! We had to go back to square one and learn a whole bunch of new skills and techniques to raise Mattie effectively. Mattie's cancer was the ultimate battle and the ultimate lesson in life. We learned more about life and death in the 15 months that Mattie underwent treatment than we did at any other point in our lives. It is hard to believe that Mattie died 68 weeks ago today. In so many ways, I just can't accept that, and I am not sure I ever will.
My mom and I went for a walk this morning and completed our three mile routine and chatted along the way. We talk about many things, and always reflect upon Mattie as well. Though I did get fresh air, was out in the glorious sunshine, my headache was so extreme. I am not sure how I kept my eyes open or functioned.
Peter is definitely on the mend. But I have him on antibiotics and a host of other things. It is my hope that he makes it home okay tonight and that his symptoms do not become worse! This has clearly NOT been the break I was hoping for Peter. A break he very much needed.
This afternoon my mom and I went out shopping. We did not buy a thing, but we had a good time exploring. I learned the art of shopping for clothes from my mom at an early age. It wasn't like she was directly teaching me, but as a youngster in tow, I observed a lot. In many ways my feelings for color and what will go together are a direct result of modeling her behaviors. This only confirms to me the importance of parents in a child's life. So much is absorbed and learned indirectly and as we mature, we realize the similarities we have with our parents.
As my mom and I were driving back home today, I snapped a picture of the mountains in her neighborhood. The sky was a beautiful blue today, with NOT a cloud in the sky. I hear the rain is transcending upon us again tomorrow, so we really tried to appreciate the sun today!
I am becoming an expert in spotting deer now! This fellow was around the corner from my mom's house. Notice in the lower right hand corner of this picture a whitish structure. This is the roof of a person's house. This illustrates to you just how close this deer got to the house. My mom tells me she has a deer that likes to sit on her front lawn. I have yet to see this, but I am intrigued with nature being so close to people. Living in the heart of Washington, DC, this is a RARE and special sight to me.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from Mattie's oncologist and our friend, Kristen. As my readers know, Kristen writes to us each Tuesday, in remembrance of Mattie. Kristen wrote, "I am thinking of you today. I have been unable to look at the blog in the last week but I imagine you are still in California. I hope the sun is shining over there on the two of you! Wishing you peace in the year ahead and thinking of you, this Tuesday and everyday!"
December 29, 2010
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