Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday, March 21, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2004. It was taken at the same time as last night's picture that I posted on the blog. Mattie came into the kitchen to help me with breakfast that day. He wanted to be picked up and given a hug. As you can see from this picture, Mattie gave very powerful hugs. He particularly loved being cheek to cheek. Something which I greatly miss now.

Quote of the day: If you've got to my age, you've probably had your heart broken many times. So it's not that difficult to unpack a bit of grief from some little corner of your heart and cry over it. ~ Emma Thompson

I did not think there was a way to take more years off my life than Mattie's diagnosis, battle, and death. But today proved me wrong! As my readers know, Peter has been VERY sick all weekend. I diagnosed him myself as having Vertigo. In fact, I recall him having a bout of it years ago. Of course, among Peter, our doctor, and myself, I am the ONLY one who remembers this and what was prescribed to him at the time. Peter has been dealing with nausea, extreme dizziness, and nystagmus. Nystagmus is rapid involuntary movements of the eyes, and I can assure you it is very disconcerting seeing Peter's eyes moving back and forth involuntarily!

I was determined to get Peter a doctor's appointment today, so I woke up before the doctor's office opened for the day and left a message on the appointment request line. Within 15 minutes the office called back and Peter had an appointment. Originally Peter and I were scheduled to visit four Senate offices today, however, Brett (who is assisting and guiding us on our legislative agenda) was also sick. So we were able to reschedule these congressional visits, which I felt better about because there was no way Peter could have made it to the doctor's office and then to the hospital for testing on his own.

Most of my doctors are affiliated with Virginia Hospital Center (VHC). I happen to love VHC because of the caliber of the medical staff but also because of the professional and patient friendly atmosphere they offer. Peter was put through all sorts of paces today from an EKG, blood testing, a neurological exam, and an MRI. As the day wore on, he and I were getting more and more concerned about his symptoms and what could be causing them. I observed his neurological exam (having gone through MANY of them myself as a migraine sufferer), and could see he performed just fine on every task asked of him. However, neither Peter or I can deny that his symptoms are serious and require an explanation.

VHC holds both positive and negative memories for us. Mattie was born at this hospital on April 4, of 2002. However, Mattie's osteosarcoma was also diagnosed by an x-ray at VHC on July 23, 2008. So this facility has captured the best day of our lives and the worst. The beauty about VHC is that you can usually find out the results of your radiology testing that day! That is a major advantage, especially when you are dealing with a person like myself who can no longer handle the anxiety of waiting and NOT knowing. Peter was also concerned about the news he was going to hear today, so much so that he packed a bag of things to stay over at the hospital. Thankfully, he did not need them! This was Peter's very first MRI in his life. The MRI process itself wasn't new to Peter since he helped Mattie through too many MRI's to count. Nonetheless, going through an MRI for yourself, gives you amazing insights into just what Mattie had to endure. Mattie's MRI's were not the typical 20 minute duration, they were two and half hours long! How Mattie's original oncologist HONESTLY thought a six year old could hold still in that trap, with all those frightening noises WITHOUT sedation was beyond me. In fact I thought that was cruel and unusual punishment, and one day it is my hope that this doctor gains the insights to understand how insensitive he really was being to a sick child and his family. It just points out that NOT all researchers are good clinicians.

All the staff in the VHC radiology department were beyond angels today. They could tell we were both upset and anxious to be there. They helped fast track Peter, and he was able to sit for the MRI 45 minutes ahead of schedule. In addition, as soon as the MRI was over, our doctor called us in the department and gave us the good news.... Peter's MRI was NORMAL! I needed to hear this since prior to the test, the doctor spoke to us about strokes and tumors. NOT what I could handle at this point. I was so nervous while Peter was in the MRI, I ate an entire chocolate bar!

Our doctor knew I was concerned, since I left her a voice mail message before Peter went into the MRI. I told her there is NO way I could survive the day without knowing the results. I reminded her about losing Mattie, and that I can not go through this again. Needless to say, she got my message, and was on top of things today.

So it is 8pm, and I feel like I have fought a war today. Thankfully, I have positive news to share with you. However, we still need to figure out what is causing Peter's Vertigo. So we await his blood results and in the mean time, I will taking Peter to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Though Ann is in Florida, she was following Peter's status today. In a way, we all thought Peter was going to land up in the hospital. Ann returns tonight and was planning on visiting us in the hospital if that was indeed where we landed up. Fortunately we are home, and thanks to Ann and Dr. Bob, we have a referral to an ENT.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a lovely message I received from Karen's (my lifetime friend) mom. Naomi wrote, "I also wanted to write you to tell you that your mom is so right about how important and groundbreaking your blog is. I never miss it and I am never disappointed. You and Pete continually grow as people with a purpose and always surprise me with your energy, intelligence, sensitivity and generosity. You are both wounded and still bleeding, but look at what you are accomplishing. Awesome."