Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken on December 19 of 2007. Mattie was in kindergarten and in this particular picture Mattie was posing by our Christmas tree before heading to his school's lessons and carols concert. I remember Mattie's excitement over that day. First of all dressing in a tie and jacket was a big deal for him but secondly, he liked the song his class was singing, and though he did not realize it, he had hummed it so often in the car and at home, that I knew exactly what song he was singing by the time he got on stage. As Ann was headed to Mattie's school today to watch lesson and carols, in my mind I was transported back to 2007. I remember videotaping Mattie's portion of the concert and it was simply adorable. I had no idea that I would only be seeing one of these concerts ever. It is hard to believe this face is no longer with us and at times like today, reflecting on this loss is beyond painful.

Quote of the day: In the silence of listening, you can know yourself in everyone, the unseen singing softly to itself and to you. ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Tonight was Peter's office holiday party at the Willard Hotel in Washington, DC. The party was a black tie event and I have been planning for this event for a few weeks now. Typically I wear black to a formal event, but I am VERY tired of wearing black. It depresses my mood and I don't need any help. So for this party, I purchased a dress with a color. I wanted red for the holidays and because it is mine and Mattie's favorite color. But I landed up with a purple dress, another favorite color of mine. I spent part of the afternoon visiting Celina. Celina is my hairdresser, who owns her own salon in DC. Celina has been very generous to the Foundation and today her and her husband (co-owner of the salon) let me know that they belong to a local cultural group which is looking for a non-profit to support. Celina and her husband recommended Mattie Miracle and in the New Year, I will be working with the president of this local group to plan a party at the salon, in which all proceeds will go to the Foundation. Celina and her husband's kindness never cease to amaze me. They let me know that I am a strong woman, who is accomplishing important things, and they want to support me in this process.

Experiencing their kindness today truly touched me and one thing I do know is while I am there, they make me feel important and cared for as a human being. To me Celina is a special person, which is why I have followed her to three different salons, until she finally opened her own. To me, life is about connecting with people. It doesn't matter if you are my friend, teacher, doctor, or hairdresser because chances are if I can't connect with you, then most likely I won't be returning to this relationship.

Right before leaving our home to go to the Willard, Peter snapped a picture of me.

When we arrived at the hotel, I admired the lobby and how it was decorated for Christmas. I wanted to take a picture by the tree. While Peter was snapping a picture of me, a woman came up to Peter and said we looked too nice together not to have a picture taken. So she was kind enough to take a photo of us.

While at the party, I had the opportunity to chat with many of the people Peter works with on a daily basis. It is nice to put faces to names! Peter's boss' wife and I have gotten to know each other over the years at these business gatherings and we are fond of each other. She wanted me to know that she thinks of Mattie daily and that her two sons ask her questions as to why Mattie died. They remember Mattie at their house and they do not understand how a child who looked so healthy could get so sick and die. Excellent question! Apparently these boys cherish their Mattie t-shirts which remain hanging up on display in their house. I was truly touched by the stories I was hearing and also admired her courage for talking to me about Mattie and my loss. I could see in her eyes and through her hugs that she just felt deep sorrow for us and wasn't sure how we continue to move forward. Of course I don't know either, but it most definitely was helpful to hear this reflected through another mother's eyes and heart.