Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old and we celebrated Christmas that year in Los Angeles with my parents. My mom set up a baby tree for Mattie to decorate. Mattie thought it was very special to have his own tree, not to mention a tree that featured many Mattie presents!
Quote of the day: There are only four kinds of people in the world. Those who have been caregivers. Those who are currently caregivers. Those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver. ~ Rosalyn Carter
I happen to love Rosalyn Carter's quote! I remember reading it in her 1995 book entitled, Helping Yourself, Helping Others. She wrote this book after having the perspective of being a family caregiver for her grandfather and father. Given my own family's experience with caring for my maternal grandmother after she had a stroke, I knew that I wanted to enter my doctoral program in counseling (years ago) and focus on researching this topic and gaining more experience with this special population.
I love the Family Caregiver Alliance, a non-profit based in the DC area. I remember turning to them many times for data and input when I was writing papers for my graduate school courses. If you are interested in learning more about caregiving, the responsibilities, demographic data and challenges, go to: https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics.
For the past month, Peter and I have been caring for our neighbor who is an older adult. She had a terrible accident, in which someone walked into her very fast and plowed her over. Causing her to fracture her arm and shatter her knee. Needless to say, she needs a lot of help. Typically such help is provided by a significant other, one's children, or other family members. But what happens when none of these people are around or available? What happens is exactly what Peter and I are experiencing now! I am not sure what would have happened if we did not step in to help our neighbor. As it is, we have been doing this for a month and there is no end in sight. We just learned today that her doctor told her she will be unable to return to her normal life for another five months.
The problem with all of this is Peter and I are doing all the caregiving, but we have absolutely no decision making authority. Which is what most family caregivers typically have, since they are providing the majority of care and have the insights into the daily happenings of the caregivee. We are unable to interface with her doctor or her therapists. This puts us at a great disadvantage because I am quite sure none of them understand how dire I view this situation.
Caregivers on average are reported to spend 13 days each month on tasks such as shopping, food preparation, housekeeping, laundry, transportation, and giving medication. In one month's time, I would say we spend EVERYDAY on these tasks, not just 13 days in one month. I have to admit I am thoroughly exhausted and am having trouble getting my own work done because I am either cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping or doing laundry.
My neighbor's situation makes me evaluate my own life. Having lost Mattie, not only effects my current life, but also my future trajectory. As we age we rely more on our children. Since I lost mine, I need to think about how Peter and I will be able to age and be taken care of. Which is why I have insisted on getting a long term care insurance policy. We are looking into it now, and the insurance agent on the phone questioned why two people so young are thinking about this now! He actually commended us for thinking ahead. So why is long term care needed? Because health insurance/Medicare DOES NOT cover home care..... which are all the daily tasks needed to survive. Long-term care insurance generally covers home care, assisted living, adult daycare, respite care, hospice care, nursing home and Alzheimer's facilities. If home care coverage is purchased, long-term care insurance can pay for home care, often from the first day it is needed. Without long term care insurance, such care can be very costly and impossible to sustain.
Given all we managed with Mattie's care, it seems impossible to think that we are in another intense caregiving situation now. One that I really would never have guessed would have landed on our doorstep. Peter and I are going away on Saturday to meet my parents in Miami, to then board a cruise. I truly need to get away, but before we do this we are trying to put safeguards in place in help our neighbor. I just think it is remarkable that there is no follow up care or assessment to truly determine how safe this woman is to live in her own home. Yes she saw the doctor today, but unless asking direct and the right questions, the reality will not be uncovered.
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