Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was in the outpatient clinic and diligently working on the creation of a haunted house. I am telling you he worked weeks on transforming a simple packing box to something creepy for Halloween. We were in Mattie's second month of treatment, and by that point, all the psychosocial staff knew to save cardboard boxes for Mattie. He loved to create and build with them. This haunted house was intricate, because it had an inside, filled with cobwebs, witches, ghosts and goblins! Mattie was holding a wicked witch in his hand to illustrate what was going on inside the house!
Quote of the day: A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing. ~ Hesiod
It is rather ironic that yesterday I had a bad neighbor story and today by happenstance, I have a good neighbor story. I was in our complex's garage today, filling up my wheeled cart with grocery bags. It seemed that I had more bags than the cart could hold. While I was unloading the car, my neighbor and his brother came into the garage and noticed me. My neighbor, who has special needs, immediately came over to me and offered to help. Not only offered but he started carrying things for me. I have known this family for almost two decades now, they knew us when Mattie was alive and running around our complex. Though my neighbor has special needs, do not think this limits him in his understanding of our situation or the sadness this brings about in our lives. In fact, he is the one person who ALWAYS brings Mattie up to me and tells me he is sorry for my loss, because he thinks I am a great mom. The average person isn't mature enough to say this...... we have a lot to learn from our friends with special needs.
Later today, a friend of mine tagged me in LinkedIn and suggested I read the article entitled, Grief Counselor. I have to admit that for the most part, things I read on grief set me off. Especially if they provide LISTS or how to's! This article was different as it was written from the perspective of a grief counselor.
I concur with the majority of sentiments in the article. Society can't tolerate grief, loss, sadness, and pain. On an aside, I think the notion of the one year anniversary of a death needs to be removed from our lexicon. Because I really believe people think the calendar flips over, and we then magically return back to 'normal.' It doesn't happen that way, which is why friends and family don't know how to help us in the long term. Also explaining why the need for grief counselors is abundant.
Grief counselors are special people and I believe the profession chooses them and not the other way around. It isn't easy to hear, sit, and walk through someone's grief journey with them. Mainly because it involves a lot of telling, retelling, and more retelling of stories and memories. It is a process, that I see lasts a lifetime.
Having lost my only child to cancer, I can't say that I agree with the last paragraph of the article. It implies that death is "life-affirming. It is our gateway to meaningful and vigorous life." Certainly I have learned a great deal from Mattie's death, so much so that I created a Foundation to address the psychosocial inadequacies in care! But at the end of the day, I could have come up with a more life affirming plan for myself...... a plan that wasn't the result of a parent's worst nightmare.
The Grief Counselor:
https://reaginsberg.weebly.com/weblog/the-grief-counselor
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