Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Tuesday, August 6, 2019 -- Mattie died 515 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken on August 6, 2009. I will never forget that day. It was the day after we learned Mattie's cancer had metastasized and therefore his condition became terminal. That day, we had to meet Mattie's doctor in the clinic to learn about next steps. While we met with the doctor, Mattie was surrounded by his art therapists and his nurse Kathleen (who literally came off the in-patient unit to be with Mattie in the outpatient clinic). After our meeting, someone snapped this photo of us as we reconvened with Mattie. Look at how Mattie was staring at us, as he was trying to read our faces and determine what we learned about his condition. We were handed Mattie's art projects from that day and we tried to normalize a very abnormal and toxic day, so as to not frighten Mattie.  


Quote of the day: Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always. ~ Hippocrates

I wonder if this is a sign? I was walking Sunny and minding my own business. Behind me I heard a woman say... oh what a cute dog! Naturally I turned around and thanked the woman. Since we were waiting at a red light to cross the street, we got to chatting. She said that she wants to rescue a dog too, but has to wait until she completes her dissertation. That may not mean much to someone, but her statement meant a lot to me. I told her I understood as I too wrote a dissertation and I get all too well the hell of surviving a doctoral program. If you think hazing only happens in fraternities, THINK AGAIN! Getting a doctorate requires patience, courage, determination and being POLITICALLY savvy! In fact, I found getting a doctorate so stressful, that once I obtained it, I literally went on the talk circuit to call out the stresses and also to provide students with a how to manual on survival. A manual that was later turned into a book (check out page 3 of the book)!!!:
http://www.universityreaders.com/pdf/Selecting-and-Surviving-a-Doctoral-Program-in-Counseling_sneak_preview.pdf

Turns out this woman's name is Karen. She is getting a Ph.D. from the same school within the George Washington University as I did. We had a lot in common. Though her major isn't mental health counseling, she chose a dissertation topic that frankly is more applicable to my degree than her own. Nonetheless, I applauded her for choosing the topic. What is the topic in a nutshell? It has to do with the stresses associated with a terminal diagnosis. Not on the patient per se, but for the family members. Now here is a topic most people don't talk about! I told her about Mattie, and then bluntly asked her why she chose this topic. I suspected she was dealing with her own loss, and therefore needed to turn that grief somewhere to help others. I was correct, as her dad died and this prompted her study. 

I rarely think back to my times in graduate school or my years after school when I worked hard to advocate for students and to support them in their doctoral programs. Yet meeting Karen this week brought it all back. Sure I may have graduated in 2003, but even 16 years later, the format of a dissertation remains the same, as do the stresses!