Tonight's picture was taken on December 5, 2002. It was Mattie's first Christmas. We had a dusting of snow that day, and I thought it would make the perfect backdrop for our first family Christmas card. I dressed Mattie up in his Santa suit, dragged out his entertainment saucer and we started to snap photos. I can't tell you how many photos we took that day, this being one of them. It wasn't the one that made it to the front of the card, but nonetheless it was still precious! If you are wondering who Mattie was looking up at it, it was me. He tracked my every move!
Quote of the day: Grief, I now understand, is a sort of madness, in the same way that falling in love is madness. ~ Patrick Swayze
It is 8:30pm and it is the first time I am sitting down to catch up on the day. It has been non-stop today with chores, tasks, demands, and the list goes on. I would have to say as Christmas is approaching, my feelings of sadness and feeling isolated have doubled. I have survived a lot in my life, but this Fall and approaching Winter are one of the darkest in my life. This afternoon, I took my parents out to eat because I just couldn't stay home one more minute. While out, I saw decorations, friends and families gathering at the restaurant, and none of this brought me joy or happiness. Instead, it made me further depressed. By the time I got my parents back in the car, I truly wasn't sure if it was worth making it through another day.
I can only hope that with tomorrow, a wake up with a different lens and outlook.
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