Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That day we took him to Roosevelt Island, a typical weekend activity. We visited the Island during every season. It was so close to home and yet as soon as you crossed over the foot bridge to enter the Island, you felt like you were transported to a more peaceful, natural, and idyllic spot. Yet this national park is right in the heart of the city. On the Island Mattie loved collecting leaves, branches, stones, seeing all the wildlife, feeding the ducks, using his remote controlled boats in the river, climbing rocks, and of course walking the trails. It is hard to believe that this was what my life USED to look like!
Quote of the day: I feel like my life is made up of tiny puzzle parts that no longer fit together. Imagine working on a puzzle only to find that the final picture can never be complete because one of its pieces is missing. This is exactly what's happened to my life; it has become impossible to put it back together. ~ Zeina Kassem
I started my morning with several phone calls. I wanted to address my latest health insurance issue before I woke my dad up. Once my dad and mom are downstairs, I am constantly juggling caregiving demands and therefore can't concentrate or focus. After paying out of pocket to see my eye doctor yesterday, I was thoroughly annoyed. Why have health insurance, if I have to pay 100% out of pocket? I have been going to this doctor for four years now and never had a problem. But when I got divorced my health plan changed and now they won't accept my new plan. Needless to say, all of this did not sit well with me. After making several calls, I finally received the phone number for the financial and business office that oversees my doctor's practice. I spoke to Denise today for thirty minutes. I walked her through the entire ordeal yesterday and she was as confused as I was as to why I had to pay out of pocket. While talking to Denise, she was messaging others to consult with them on my issue. Needless to say, they are looking into it and she promises to call me. We shall see.
My car saga continues. Apparently I need a completely new radio module and they are in the process of ordering that! So I will be without my car all week, and thankfully my mom brought her car from Los Angeles to Virginia, so at least we can get around, as I can't imagine how I would manage my parent's needs without a car.
Why am I mentioning this? I am mentioning this because even though Mattie has been gone 16 years, the loss is very real, very life altering, and still very fresh in my mind. The death of a 7 year old is just NOT natural, there is no rationalization to it, and NO platitude will do! Mattie is not in a better place, he did not live a long and full life...... well you get my point! Child loss is forever and what I love about these photos is that they are positioned to watch over us and serve as a reminder that the seven years I had with Mattie were very real. However what this collage of photos doesn't illustrate to you, but I know within my mind and heart, is that life as I knew it ended when Mattie died and this loss has been further compounded with my divorce.
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