Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. If Mattie was in clothes, then I know it was a hospital admission day! Otherwise, when in the hospital, Mattie refused to change out of pajamas. I learned to go with it. As you can see, Mattie was working on a plate of spaghetti. Mattie went through various food phases. That one was spaghetti. Not just any pasta, it had to be spaghetti with tomato sauce. Living in a hospital, getting access to what Mattie wanted on demand, was close to impossible. Thankfully we had Team Mattie, who seemed to rise to the occasion and meet every possible request we had. The one beautiful thing about Mattie's journey that I will never forget.
Quote of the day: When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time – the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes – when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever – there comes another day, and another specifically missing part. ~ John Irving
This morning I had to take my dad to his foot doctor. Why? Because Medicare pays for shoes once a year for diabetic patients. Sounds good! Until you go through the process! It is labor intensive and mind numbing. My dad has had diabetes for decades, yet Medicare requires that my dad see his primary care doctor thirty days before we apply for shoes from the podiatrist, to document diabetes! Seriously???? Do they think that my dad will have a miraculous recovery from diabetes? Mind you, when my dad sees his primary care doctor, it can't be virtual, he must go to the office to have a live appointment with the doctor. Which is more labor intensive work for the caregiver. If we do not comply and complete this primary care visit, then my dad's feet can't be measured by the podiatrist to start the shoe request process. I deal with this vicious cycle yearly.
My dad met with his primary care doctor in August. After that appointment the clock starts ticking..... as we have thirty days from that diabetes check to see the foot doctor. Of course, it has to be a dedicated shoe measurement appointment, we can't see the foot doctor for other things during that visit! But here is the kicker, when the shoes come in, my dad now has to come to the office to try on the shoes and sign the paperwork. I can no longer go into the office on my own to pick up the shoes. So to put this into context, I have been working on his shoe application since August. We finally went to the office to pick up the shoes today. Medicare has NO REGARD for what it is like to schlep a 91 year old from one medical appointment to the next just to get and try on shoes. I honestly do not know how older adults manage any of this without an adult child on the scene. Today, I decided to use a wheelchair to get my dad into the podiatrist office. Without fail, when my dad goes to this doctor office, he typically has an irritable bowel incident. I was in no mood for this today! By placing my dad in a wheelchair, there was less movement for him, and we made it without an accident.
Sure enough though, as soon as we got home to pick up my mom, the accident happened. All I know is I may never be able to smell again. My life is regulated by cleaning products, because if I did not use them, the smells in the house would be over the top. I refuse to live in an environment that smells like a nursing home or assisted living facility. So I am constantly cleaning.... in fact it is how I start and end each day.
In the midst of everything else I was juggling today, I went back on-line to figure out my own health insurance. Cigna has canceled my plan as of December 31. Not just me, but anyone in the country who has an independent plan that is not part of their employment or part of the healthcare marketplace. I loved my plan, but I have had to be very proactive about this because being without insurance scares me to no end, given the incredible cost of healthcare. Any case, as soon as the calendar turns over to November, with open enrollment, I will be addressing this problem. I have done my research and have a plan and insurer picked out. What I would like to know is will there ever be a day that I will not be juggling an issue, a problem, or a crisis? The answer is probably not! This is one of the many things that I attribute to my divorce. I will never forget this time in my life, I will never forget what I have had to navigate on my own, nor will I ever forget the feeling of being discarded, under valued, and forgotten. For some things, my mind is like a steel trap.
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