Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie was in the childlife playroom at the Hospital. Based on what Mattie was doing, I know exactly what day of the week this photo was taken. It had to be a FRIDAY, because Mattie was participating in a chemistry experiment. Every Friday the Georgetown Chemistry Club came to the floor to do something interesting with the kids. The president of this Club was fabulous and he related to Mattie. Mattie also related to Chris! On this particular day, Chris was showing the kids how to make ice cream using dry ice and as you can see Mattie (though neutropenic, his white blood count was VERY low) was right in the mix of things despite not feeling well and having to wear a mask. Doing and creating were two words I always associated with Mattie!


Quote of the day: When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. ~ John Ruskin

I began my day with this sighting! Patches was curled up on Mattie's bed. Not just anywhere, but in the middle of Sunshine, Mattie stuffed animal albino boa constrictor. Patches spends a lot of time in Mattie's room, now that Mattie is gone.

I have had a long day of Walk items and writing February's Foundation newsletter, therefore as we are approaching midnight, I just am not in the writing mood. I am quite aware of the fact that Patches is not doing well, and she just can't seem to eat. We are playing this out one day at a time, but this is another hard reality to accept. I have lost many cats in my lifetime (Minx, Cinnamon, Rusty, Whiskers, Allie, and Tiglet), but none of my cats had been with me for 17 years. Nor had any of these cats survived living with us while raising a baby, a toddler, and then a child with cancer. Patches has always been a part of our married life, so to us she is a significant part of our family.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013 -- Mattie died 181 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. At that point, Mattie was a month into treatment. Clearly most of his hair had fallen out yet it was before any of his surgeries. Despite how horrible chemotherapy was, surgeries for Mattie were much worse. They were worse because in the process of trying to save Mattie's life he lost the ability to do all the things he loved to do. Which was to be independent. To walk, run, feed himself, go to the bathroom on his own, and to look like all the other kids. I posted this photo tonight of my mom, myself, and Mattie with Jenny. I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with Jenny today. Jenny was one of Mattie's art therapists and she was not only extremely competent and a great therapist but she is a wonderfully compassionate and insightful individual. Jenny moved to Colorado shortly after Mattie died and she was in town for just today. Despite the fact that we never actually saw each other physically, we had a wonderful time reconnecting! Jenny is one of the people I most definitely miss seeing on a regular basis. In fact, it was through Jenny that I met Linda (Mattie's childlife specialist). Both of these women kept me sane on some very challenging days.


Quote of the day: We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever. ~ Carl Sagan


This afternoon, I sent Jenny (Mattie's art therapist) an email because I had a request from a student, who wanted to interview an art therapist. The first art therapist who came to my mind was Jenny. Jenny has left a lasting impression on me. While I was emailing Jenny, she was emailing and thinking of me at the same time. What are the chances of this?! I don't know, but I call it fate! We had a good old time chatting today, sharing reflections, and understanding the ramifications of having and caring for a child with cancer, and of course witnessing a child die.  

As the Walk for the Foundation approaches my stress level heightens tremendously. It is very difficult knowing that I have to raise a certain level of money for the Foundation in order to keep our work going. Keep in mind I am NOT a professional fundraiser, I am not in the field of business, and the list can go on about what I am not. I am a counselor by training and honestly the skills the Foundation sometimes requires goes beyond my capabilities. But like any good mom, I push myself and try to rise to the occasion. After all, the Foundation is my baby. Yet as Peter will attest, I have a short fuse in the spring, and not because this is my intention, but it my overall level of stress that I am trying to manage.

Later in the day, I also had our first post-think tank conference call. Pulling together 25 professionals at the California conference was excellent, but now the hard work begins. Each of us on the call was assigned an essential element to be incorporated into the standard of care. Yet each of these elements needs to be researched which means that a comprehensive literature review of articles has to be conducted. So I find myself feeling like I am right back in graduate school, and for those of you who knew my dissertation chair, you have to know that doing a literature review for her was NO easy feat. She strove for perfection within herself and demanded no less from her students. So much so, that it took me years to do my literature review. YEARS! She didn't value simple electronic searches, she wanted you to also do it the old fashioned way which meant going into the library and doing manual searches through the stacks. So I have been conditioned on the proper way to conduct a literature review and I have to say that the notion of such a review now on top of planning the Walk sounds sickening and daunting. The review is due within one month's time, so I need to factor this into my schedule!

 

Meanwhile in the midst of my day, I have had Patches looping around me. She wouldn't eat anything I gave her. Not even a bite. She was getting agitated because she was hungry, but nothing would go down. Until this evening! When I served dinner, she seemed intrigued by my cutlets. So she hopped up on our table. Typically in her well days she knew better than to jump on the table. I did not tolerate this! But now that she is dying, I am very lax. She joined us and I gave her cut up chicken. She ate more chicken than Peter tonight. Peter snapped a picture of Patches eating with us, we are a threesome at dinner these days. Mattie would have gotten a kick out of this! However, I did not want Peter to capture Patches' face on the camera, since I would prefer people to remember her beautiful face before her eye was attacked by cancer. 

Monday, February 25, 2013

 

Monday, February 25, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie was in the clinic that day, getting ready for another hospital admission. That particular day Mattie wanted a large baked pretzel, as you can see in the photo. Mattie got cravings for certain foods and snacks and literally we were lucky enough to have a whole team of people ready to fulfill these needs and requests. They understood that it was impossible for me to leave Mattie's side. It seems ironic that under the worst of circumstances we also experienced the best that life has to offer. We saw hundreds of people rise to the occasion, to put a child's needs before their own, and we personally witnessed all our communities come together to support Mattie and us. The impact of Mattie's cancer on our lives is ever present and remains within us.


Quote of the day: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. ~ Antioine de Saint-Exupery


This evening, Peter and I caught up with each other about our day. Peter had the opportunity to go out to lunch today with a friend. These two fellows see each other periodically, and working around the corner from each other helps. I think it is very hard for men to develop the same emotional bonds and connections as women. It just is frowned upon in our society and not considered socially acceptable. That maybe true, but that doesn't mean men do not need support or have the desire to relate on a deeper level. As Peter was talking to me about today's lunch, I found that I was so moved by what I was hearing that I landed up crying. It is a true gift when I hear a friend say to Peter that he can pick up the phone and call whenever Peter is having a bad day. Each time these fellows get together, they talk business, but they can also talk about how things are going. Not just going on the surface, but how Peter and I are dealing with Mattie's death. These are not easy subject matters to bring up, which is why I admire this individual for never forgetting and having the courage to talk about Mattie, and for giving Peter the space to do so as well!  

This afternoon, I went to the grocery store. I went with a list and had my own agenda. While shopping, I noticed a woman in a motorized wheelchair. I made note of her, but then continued shopping. While I was in the produce section, she came up to me and started talking to me about the weight and price of lettuce. Somehow the lettuce was just the entree into a much longer conversation. She and I spoke for a half an hour. She wanted to share how she spends her days, her skills on coupons, saving money at the grocery store, and also spoke about how she calls companies like Hershey's, Mars, Celestial Seasonings, and requests free sample items and coupons. Naturally this was a person who needed to talk and needed an outlet. I have to say, I learned something about coupons after this conversation! I certainly had a host of other things to do with my time, but since Mattie's death, I do slow down more to listen to those around me. Before we parted, she wanted me to know that she thought I was a very nice and kind person and how much she enjoyed our conversation. My gift may have been time, but her gift was equally as special. At the end of the day, I think we are all looking for someone to value us, to be heard, understood, and given feedback that our presence matters.
 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. This was what some of Mattie's physical therapy sessions looked like. Mattie always had back up players in all his sessions. It was like having your own personal cheerleaders present to help motivate Mattie. This may seem extreme or perhaps unbelievable that Mattie would have received all this attention. But in all reality, Mattie had three out of his four limbs operated on. The kind of pain Mattie experienced, none of us can truly imagine. Also the recovery we expected Mattie to make was really quite super human. Those closest to Mattie, who worked with him on a regular basis, were aware of the odds against him, and also understood that more support and encouragement was needed in our case to help us manage the day to day journey. Which is why Mattie's childlife specialist, art therapists, and physical therapist are  professionals never to be forgotten.


Quote of the day: By learning you will teach; by teaching you will understand. ~ Latin Proverb

It was a beautiful weather day in Los Angeles. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I made the long journey back to DC. I feel as if I spent the entire day at either an airport or on a plane. Thankfully I am home, safe, and in one piece. As soon as I walked in the door tonight, I was greeted by Patches. She still has a spring in her step but she is clearly a mess. We can hardly see her eye now, and it looks painful upon observation. Yet she isn't acting like she is in pain. But we are keeping a close eye on her. I am glad she spent the week with Peter! I know their great love for each other.

I can tell both Peter and Patches are happy to have me back! I am signing off for tonight because I am wiped out from a day of traveling, filled with turbulence.
 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Mattie's friends created Valentine's for him and also gave him this HUGE lollipop. Mattie was intrigued by the lollipop and he was trying to show me in this photo that the candy was roughly the size of his head!


Quote of the day: Maybe if you can’t get somebody out of your head, they’re supposed to be there. ~ Unknown


I love tonight's quote and I believe it is SO true! Mattie is firmly implanted in my head and will always be there and should be there! This morning, I walked the track in my parent's neighborhood. My mom and I have done this six out of the seven days I have been here. Walking in the sunshine is a wonderful way to start the day. I also find walking and moving helps my nerve pain. It is when I stop moving do I notice the numbness and pain! While at the track, we were surrounded by boys practicing with their little league teams! I watched moms sitting around and observing the sport, I noticed dads out in the field coaching and throwing balls back and forth to their boys, and of course the whole scene made me reflect. These are all experiences Peter and I will never have with Mattie. That may sound like a trite observation but it is observations like this that are our daily reality.

While at the track, I also noticed a beautiful monarch butterfly flying around. Mind you I have been at this track almost everyday this week and never saw a butterfly. But today in the midst of all the little league kids, a sign from Mattie presented itself. I do not think this was by coincidence. I want to think that Mattie was on this field with me today.

My parents and I saw a play last night entitled, Stepping out, and a play today entitled, I'll be back before midnight. Two very different plays, but both focused upon the complexities of human dynamics. Stepping out was about a group of eight adults who register to take a tap class. The group had a range of dancing abilities but part of the comedy was watching this group learning to dance. In the midst of learning to dance, we got a glimpse into the lives of each of the dancers and what truly motivated them to come to the class. Some came to escape their husbands, some to build confidence in themselves, and others to make a friend and become invested in something for themselves. The way the life stories interweaved was beautiful and to see a group of eight go from sloppy dancers to a coordinated team at the end was worth the price of admission. It made you want to get up and dance. Today's play was a psychological thriller, whose main character had just been released from a mental institution. She was recovering from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. Needless to say, upon release her husband took her to a remote house in the country to recuperate. Yet his motives are anything but pure and to add insult to injury the husband invites his sister to visit the house. His recovering wife and sister do not get along and the sister is one of the main reasons that contributed to the wife's breakdown in the first place. It was a suspenseful play which had all of us in the audience trying to predict what would happen next and who was going to get killed in the end.

I am signing off from Los Angeles. Tomorrow I head back to Washington, DC. So the next posting will be from home! I say good-bye to the sun, grass, trees, flowers, bunnies, and of course the LA Cappuccinos!
 

Friday, February 22, 2013

Friday, February 22, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. The boat in front of Mattie was made out of Legos and he worked hard with Peter to construct it. In 2008 and 2009, Mattie must have built EVERY Lego kit possible. Legos was our source of sanity and though Mattie did not enjoy talking to others while he was battling cancer, he always responded to a comment or question about his Lego designs!


Quote of the day: The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea. ~ Isak Dinesen


This afternoon I went out to lunch with a man who has been friends with my family since I was in high school. Together we have gone through his and our own ups and down. Having long term friends in Los Angeles is really quite a feat. I am not sure why this isn't commonplace. Perhaps it is the transient nature of the city or perhaps the more plastic and surfacey nature of the Hollywood culture. I have no explanation other than I know it is a rarity.

When I was living in Los Angeles during my high school years, I recall going out to dinner with this man and my family on a weekly basis. This tradition continues, since my parents continue to meet up with him weekly, even though my dad and this man retired and no longer work together. In a way, they are like family with each other.

Needless to say, our lunch conversations are usually heated with some sort of lively discussion. One of today's topics was the academy awards. A topic I am not well versed in anymore. Mainly because I do not go to the movies. At one time I did enjoy going, but since Mattie got sick and then of course died, my likes and dislikes have changed. I do think trauma and surviving a trauma have impacted my movie going experience! I no longer like being in a dark room filled with people. I do not care for the overwhelmingly loud sound systems which almost send vibrations through your entire body, and most of all I am very sensitive to the content flashing before my eyes. I can't handle violence, sounds of guns, and gratuitous sex. So when you factor all of this together I am NOT your typical American film goer. My joke is that Hollywood is lucky that it doesn't rely on people like myself to make money, because it would be out of business. Yet I will go see a movie or two on occasion when I have been told that it is something I would like or that would intrigue me. But always it is a movie that has been pre-approved by someone I trust.

So today's lunch conversation was about the nature of films and why people go to the movies. My parent's friend feels that people go to the theatres for the sheer entertainment value. I laughed because with the content in today's films, I wonder what entertainment value they actually have? But this is where the debate began. I would have to say that I go to see a movie not for its entertainment value but for its artistic value. I want to be captured by a story, I want to see the connections and complexities between people unfold, grow, and develop, and most of all I want meaning, purpose, and a moral message. Few movies can provide this from my perspective but what I do know is that when a movie does provide this I find it inspiring, empowering, and it causes me to think. Perhaps it is my training and professional bent, but with each movie I see I try to put myself into the shoes of the characters before me and understand the world through their lens. By doing this, it also helps me understand myself, my view points, and my feelings. So to me a movie is much more than entertainment. In my perspective producers, directors, and writers have a responsibility before them and how a movie makes us feel, what thoughts and emotions it evokes have subtle ramifications and consequences on our lives. We are not robots or computers sifting in violence and other hateful content without consequences. These feelings and disturbances we witness for two hours on a screen must go somewhere, and unfortunately for young minds this content influences behavior!

This afternoon, while driving through my parent's neighborhood, I spotted this beautiful deer eating close to one of the houses on the mountain side (by the tree at the 6 o'clock position). It is a beautiful sight to see greenery dotted with deer. Not something I can see in DC on a regular basis.

 

 

Right near my parent's home is a patch of land where bunnies like to hang out. You can see this resident bunny out and about this afternoon. I return to DC on Sunday, so I have one more day in LA. Today was a glorious weather day, close to 70 degrees, with the sun shining brightly! The notion of returning to grayness is simply not appealing and I can see the difference in life style and culture when winters are filled with sunshine and more moderate temperatures. It just makes you feel better not only physically but psychologically.  

 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. As I mentioned in last night's posting, Mattie loved volcanoes. While he was home between hospital treatments, he literally constructed this volcano by hand. It was ONE MESSY process. But the messier it was the better Mattie liked it. As you can see from this picture, Mattie's face was anticipating the excitement of a volcanic eruption in our living room!








Quote of the day: One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that he doesn’t try to find out why. ~ Unknown


As many of my faithful readers know, I am not a modern movie fan. Therefore getting me into the theatres does require a great deal of coaxing. My parents wanted me to see Silver Linings Playbook today. The movie has been nominated for eight academy awards, which again means absolutely nothing to me, especially considering that so many wonderful actors and actresses, and films for that matter, have gone unrecognized in the past!

For those of you unfamiliar with Silver Linings Playbook, here is the movie's published synopsis...........................Life doesn't always go according to plan. Pat Solatano (Bradley Cooper) has lost everything -- his house, his job, and his wife. He now finds himself living back with his mother (Jacki Weaver) and father (Robert DeNiro) after spending eight months is a state institution on a plea bargain. Pat is determined to rebuild his life, remain positive and reunite with his wife, despite the challenging circumstances of their separation. All Pat's parents want is for him to get back on his feet-and to share their family's obsession with the Philadelphia Eagles football team. When Pat meets Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), a mysterious girl with problems of her own, things get complicated. Tiffany offers to help Pat reconnect with his wife, but only if he'll do something very important for her in return. As their deal plays out, an unexpected bond begins to form between them, and silver linings appear in both of their lives. If you want to see the movie trailer, go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj5_FhLaaQQ

Did I come out of this movie raving about it? NO! But nonetheless, I do have to pause and commend the writer for taking on the complexity of mental illness and more importantly the strategy needed to combat the hardships life dishes out to us. This movie is considered a romantic comedy, and given the nature of the disorder in question, bipolar disorder, it seems incomprehendible how such a serious matter could be laughed at or presented in such a lighter fashion. Of course, in true Hollywood fashion the outpatient therapist portrayed in the movie has a whole list of unprofessional and unethical behaviors going on that made me want to throw my hands up in the air in frustration. But factoring that out of the movie, there are several beautiful messages along the way.

The first message which I truly believe is that under the right circumstances any one of us can develop a mental illness. The second and main message which the movie beautifully illustrates is that our connections to certain people in our lives (I don't mean to a therapist, but to a friend or family member) can be curative and protective in nature. Certain people can bring out the best within ourselves, they can cause us to feel better about ourselves, act differently, and in essence change the course of our future. It is these individuals who help us stay positive and have a shot at a silver lining! Which is easier said than done!

The interaction between the two main characters in the movie, both of whom have mental health issues, was actually very powerful and though their issues were different they understood what it felt like to be out of control of their own actions, thoughts, and behaviors. It is through their emotional bond and connection that true change was possible. YES I truly believe that one person who really believes in you and your potential can turn your life around. Though I do not personally relate to the mental health issues portrayed in this movie, I can see the impact of positive relationships in my life and how they have helped me to cope with grief.  

Each one of us faces a life challenge. None of us goes untouched! The issue is different for each of us. The question is how do we decide to deal with such challenges? Certainly, it is easier to retreat, become angry, distant, and detached. But it is my hope that in these darker moments each of my readers finds his/her silver lining to help you navigate through the incredible ups, downs, pains, and heartaches that comprise life.

The sightings of the LA cappuccinos continued today! As we were driving out of my parent's neighborhood there were deer on either side of us. In Washington, DC we have white tailed deer, but the LA Caps are black tailed deer.

The LA Caps are very comfortable crossing streets in my parent's neighborhood. In many ways they own the roads and cars seem to stop to admire the deer, take pictures, and to allow them to cross the road.

A close up of one of these cuties. Unlike our DC deer, these deer have very floppy ears, a very rich brown coat, and black tails.

Meanwhile back in DC, Peter sent me this photo tonight. Patches jumped right into Peter's work bag! I think she is giving him a message. Which is either STOP working tonight or TAKE me to work with you tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Featured with Mattie in this photo was a vanilla milkshake. Mattie lived off of a few items while battling cancer and those items were: dunkin donuts, vanilla shakes, McDonald's chicken nuggets, cupcakes, Utz potato chips, macaroni and cheese, and pasta. That was IT! When people talk to me about nutritious diets for children who are battling cancer, I listen, but internally I am saying....... you have to be kidding!!!! Mattie's battle was horrific, he hated food, the sight and smell of it, therefore when he seemed to crave something no matter what it was, he got it. Mattie was practically skin and bones at the end, and therefore a balanced diet was not only unlikely to happen but it was a ridiculous notion! Also featured with Mattie in tonight's photo was a volcano kit. Mattie loved volcanoes and he particularly loved to see a volcanic eruption. Which we had that day right in the middle of the playroom. Needless to say several children came over to watch the process.


Quote of the day: Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~ Helen Keller


Yesterday was an absolutely cold, grey, and rainy day in Los Angeles. However, despite the rain, I was outside and planting scrubs and flowers in my parent's backyard. The things I planted back in December are thriving, so I have continued my handiwork on this visit. My parent have a charming and elusive green hummingbird that visits their backyard and I got to see him today and other interesting birds which I do not see living in Washington, DC.

Though the sun was shining today, it was VERY windy. That wiping wind somehow takes it out of you. We walked my parent's neighborhood track this morning, through the wind, and while there we ran into two of her neighbors. One of the neighbors I never met before, but he was walking his rescue dog, and I got to hear about her life and how far she has come. It reminded me of Patches.... also abandoned and in bad shape when we found her. Yet with tender loving care, these animals can be rehabilitated to live long lives.

So the dog began our conversation and literally this fellow and I walked around the track together for about a mile. He is an older adult, and as my friend Karen jokes with me all the time, this age group relates to me! Perhaps, but I grew up in a household in which my maternal grandmother lived with us, so interacting with older adults in a way is second nature to me. Needless to say by the time our walk was over, I learned about his life and his family. In addition, he had the courage to acknowledge Mattie's loss with me and at one point I could see he had to change the subject matter because he was getting choked up about the tragedy of losing a child.

This evening we have been invited out to dinner to celebrate the birthday of one of my mom's friends. So I am signing off for today and leave you to reflect upon Keller's quote that character can't be developed in ease and quiet. There maybe some truth in that, but I have to admit that some "character" is simply hard to live with and accept.

 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Tuesday, February 19, 2013 -- Mattie died 180 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. The staff at the hospital quickly learned that Mattie LOVED cardboard boxes. So much so that they began saving all sorts of boxes for Mattie to use for design and building. Mattie transformed boxes into haunted houses, apartment buildings, an elevator, and the list goes on. Some of Mattie's boxed designs were quite elaborate with details like a hand crafted mosaic tile fireplace, a pulley system for an elevator, and ghosts that would swing through a house on wires to frighten you when you opened the door of this boxed house structure.


Quote of the day: The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear. ~ Silvetris


For all my readers who are Downton Abbey fans, what can I say?!!! I wasn't prepared for last night's season finale at all since I haven't been following the tabloids and media. Occasionally a TV series comes along that intrigues audiences both young and old alike. Downton Abbey is such a series! It has something for everyone and captures a period of time that is so different from our own, and yet hones in on human frailties, sensitivities, and emotions that we can all relate to such as...... marital problems, having children, paying bills, sibling rivalry, illness, death of a loved one, jealousy, and the list goes on! The series captures your heart and your mind and in many cases these characters become part of our weekly routine. We root for the under dogs (Branson, Edith, Anna, and Bates) and despise the more manipulative characters such as Mrs. O'Brien and Thomas. I am not sure how fictitious characters could cause us such happiness or such great sadness, but they do, and last night's episode sent SO many of us reeling.

I know I turn to Downton for an escape, to see the beauty of the English countryside, to have a glimpse into what life was like in the early 1900s, and to be absorbed in a beautifully told story that evokes both emotion and history. I first and foremost am an idealist or humanist at heart. I want to see the good in people and as such I want to believe that people can be motivated and inspired for the right reasons. I wish our motivations were always for intrinsic reasons and not for extrinsic rewards such as money. I am truly perplexed why the series would kill off a character who was loved and admired. So I went digging further into the reality of the decision. It would be easy to blame the writer of the series, but then I learned that the actual actor who played our beloved character, Matthew, wanted off the show. He wants to expand his horizons and stretch his artistic legs so to speak. All that comes to my mind is Shelley Long and her decision to leave Cheers! We know all too well how that worked out for our dear Diane Chambers!!! After her starring role on Cheers we never saw her again. I think when making decisions that are solely driven by money, one should pause. I am saddened that this actor on Downton Abbey couldn't see the joy he brought into homes each week and imagine this factor wasn't even considered when he made his decision to leave the show. In any case, we have ended season three with the deaths of two great characters. Both characters in the series were young individuals, so in essence unnatural deaths. Something I know about all too well, and though these characters aren't real, their death evokes feelings within me.

I am not sure what disturbs me more, the fact that characters were killed off on the show or that when season four starts up again, the time period will be six months after the death of Matthew (the character). The writer isn't exploring the raw emotions of grief and this I take issue with, but then again, what viewer would want to tune into such an ugly side of life!??? Which brings me back to Julian Fellowes (the writer of Downton Abbey's) comments, he felt that Matthew's character had to die because no one wanted to view happy ALL the time. I guess he thinks viewers don't tune into happy. Clearly he hasn't polled this viewer!

The one highlight in last night's depressing episode was it featured a beautiful castle in Scotland. This was the castle we toured this summer in Argyll. The name of the castle is Inveraray and some of my faithful readers may recall that Peter snapped a photo of my mom and I with the Duke of Argyll. The Duke lives in the castle and helps to support the castle by volunteering in the gift shop periodically. http://www.inveraray-castle.com/

 

I started my morning with receiving several photos from the awards ceremony that our friend Dave took at the conference. Pictured with Peter and I is Dr. Jimmie Holland. It was an honor being introduced and to receive this award from such a pioneer in the field. Jimmie is recognized internationally as the founder of the subspecialty of psycho-oncology, is Attending Psychiatrist and holds the first endowed chair in Psychiatric Oncology, the Wayne E. Chapman Chair at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. She is Professor of Psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University and began the first full-time Psychiatric Service in a cancer hospital in 1977 at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. In 1996, she became the first woman Chair of a clinical department at Memorial Sloan-Kettering.

 

 

Dave snapped an up close photo of Peter and I as we were returning to our seats after receiving the Foundation's award.

 

I received a lovely email today from Tricia, Mattie's amazing HEM/ONC nurse and our friend. Like me, Tricia loves the deer that live in the hills near my parent's home. I have nicknamed these deer the "LA Cappuccinos." My parents told me they haven't seen any deer for weeks. So I was absolutely stunned to see this family walk passed our car today. It is ironic that Tricia asked me about the deer this morning and low and behold they would show up almost on cue. I personally view this sign of nature as a gift from Mattie to Tricia and me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Monday, February 18, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Sally, the storybook lady, came to the hospital often to work with the children. Sally is a gifted performer and has a way of getting children out of their shells and playing along to a story. Sally always came dressed up in costume to portray a key character in whatever story she was reading to the children. Sally got Mattie RIGHT AWAY and he related to her. He loved playing along with her and on this particular day Mattie was learning about the art of drums in an African American tale. Sally also always came with props and the props were appreciated by Mattie because they helped to bring the story alive.


Quote of the day: We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world. ~ Helen Keller


A few years ago, I had the opportunity to meet my mom's friend Diane. It was a true treat to meet her because I knew she was a faithful blog reader and had been following our story since Mattie developed cancer. However, Diane continues to follow our journey with me and I appreciate her support. In fact when we met each other for the first time it was as if we had known each other for years. We just seemed to understand and relate to one another immediately. Since our meeting, Diane surprises me on occasion with a care package in the mail. Like me, Diane loves to garden and she grows her own fruits too! So her care packages are usually filled with all sorts of treats from fresh fruits from her garden to teas and chocolates.

When I arrived at my parents house on Sunday, I found a See's candy box of chocolates in the shape of a heart awaiting me for Valentine's Day. I love See's candy and Diane knows that, but what she may not know is the box was, from my perspective, a symbol of our friendship. I am always deeply touched when someone goes out of their way to think of me. After all life is busy and it pulls us in ten different ways sometimes. Thoughtfulness however always captures my attention and seeing this box of chocolate was a wonderful greeting to Los Angeles!

Meanwhile back in Washington, DC, Peter went to pick up Patches today at the vet. The vet insisted on putting Patches back on pain medication. We figured this was probably a good idea since Patches seems to get more agitated away from us. However, now that she is home, all medications are being stopped. Patches is loopy and unable to eat at the moment. Which is why we stopped the pain meds a month ago. They seemed to be doing more harm than good. Any case as the day wore on, Patches found her way to the couch and jumped on a new fleece blanket my parents got for her. Leave it to Patches to seek out any blanket possible. So I am glad she is back home and with her Peter, her buddy.

 

The weather in Los Angeles has been glorious so far. So much so that I have walked every morning. It is ironic that my nerve issues feel better when I am walking rather than sitting down or not moving. Later today, I was outside in my parents garden planting. The notion of planting in February is absolutely hysterical to me. When we went to the garden store today everything was fully stocked as if it were spring time on the East Coast. Needless to say the birds were singing all around me, the sky was a true blue, and I can't say I miss anything about the Washington greyness or cold!