Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2005. Peter and Mattie built the step stool in the picture together. Mattie wanted a John Deere tractor stool, and Peter designed the whole thing by hand and Mattie did some sanding and painting. They were both very proud of their teamwork. If this stool could talk, it would have many tales to tell. It would report about the hours spent potty training, learning to brush one's teeth, and the list goes on. Needless to say, this stool captures many memories for me of Mattie's toddler and preschool years!
Poem of the day: Tiny Angels
Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so."
Most likely you do not know that when Peter goes out of town, our cat, Patches, becomes extremely anxious and more unstable than usual. Patches suffers from hyperthyroidism. Which in theory should be treatable. However, after spending a great deal of money on a radiocat procedure (which was INEFFECTIVE!), we are still unable to find the right thyroid medication dosage for her. Even medicated, this condition makes Patches constantly hungry and thirsty. In addition, she has an inordinate amount of energy and is hyper at night. Patches gets up at around 2 or 3am each day and literally whines and howls (yes I know she is a cat, but this calico howls!). Typically when Peter is home he is able to calm her down and therefore she doesn't disturb my sleep. But when Peter is gone, I am left to my own devices to deal with her, and unfortunately, I am not a cat whisperer like Peter.
Patches had me up at 3am the night before, and last night, she had me up at 5am. At the moment, as I write the blog, she is resting comfortably on Mattie's bed, curled up next to "Sunshine," Mattie's stuffed pet albino snake. Got to love this cat!
I began my day talking to Peter through Skype. The beauty of technology! We spoke for about 20 minutes. Peter told me about his airplane trips and the heat in Rwanda. Unfortunately the hotel has NO airconditioning. A foreign concept to most of us living in Washington, DC. Peter told me that Rwanda's motto is the land of 1000 hills and one million smiles. Naturally I couldn't help but ask him whether everyone around him was smiling?!!! One of the topics we discussed was how to spend July 4th. He did not give me an answer per se, but his comments were a riot. I titled his response as "thoughts from Rwanda," since I felt as if I was hearing a profound documentary through the computer lines.
Peter told me, like me, he rarely dreams of Mattie. However, on his plane trip to Brussels, he was in and out of consciousness because he was so tired. He recalls dreaming of Mattie. The first part of the dream Mattie was healthy, but he could only see things in his dream at Mattie's eye level (so in essence from Mattie's perspective). Peter couldn't see whose hand Mattie was holding. But he assumed it was mine. In the next part of the dream, Mattie had cancer. Just before Peter woke up from the dream, Mattie leaned into him and they rubbed heads together. I told Peter that I thought that was definitely a sign from Mattie. Mattie was reaching out to him and letting him know that he is with him always, even as he traverses from Washington, DC to Rwanda. I found the story very touching and moving and also fascinating how Peter saw Mattie healthy and with cancer.
I spent a portion of today visiting Ann's mom, Mary. A few days ago Mary saw a Dairy Queen (the ice cream store) commercial. In the commercial they showed a picture of a strawberry blizzard, with golden oreo pieces mixed in. This picture caught Mary's attention and I made note of that, so today, I went to Dairy Queen and was happy to deliver this treat to Mary. She devoured the whole thing and she said it was delicious. Naturally I can't think about golden oreos without thinking of Mattie (who was in love with that cookie). Mary had a rough afternoon but she did connect on the phone with Ann and also her cousin, Helen. These calls perked her up and this outside stimulation always gives us a lot to talk about. Before I left for the evening, Mary had two comments for me. The first comment was that she will never forget how well I cared for her husband when he was so sick and dying and the second comment is she wanted me to know that she considers me a good friend. A friend who really cares about her. It is ironic as I reflect on Mary's comments, my dad sent me the following quote today:
"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." By John Wooden (1910-2010; the basketball coach for UCLA for 27 Years)
I would like to share more photos with you tonight from the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Walk on May 23, 2010. These photos capture the magic show that was performed at the event.
Left: The Magic Man (Bob Weiman, Mattie's head of the lower school, St. Stephen's and St. Agnes School) with his fifth grade students as they set up for the show.
Left: You can see the show attracted quite an audience.
Left: The American Flag trick! One of Mattie's favorites. I remember Bob teaching Mattie this trick in the hospital!
Left: Vicki with the Magic Man
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I am glad you had a good day yesterday and that you spent time with Carolyn, Ellie and Gavin. Although spending time with other people's children is hard, it is also healing. I believe that your time with Mary is also healing for both of you although those visits as well can be difficult. I do agree with Mary that G-d sees all the good things you do and wants to help you through your grief. Today as I attend a special workshop that is supposed to be about healing I will be thinking of you and hoping that the next steps along the path are easier. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
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