Tonight's picture was taken on November 6, 2008. Mattie was excited about Peter's birthday and decided to prepare for it early. What you need to keep in mind is on November 12, 2008, a day before Peter's birthday, Mattie had massive surgery. Mattie had two limb salvaging surgeries and one bone graft to remove a total of three tumors. This surgery was about 12 hours long! Since I did not think Mattie would be able to function the day after his surgery, I encouraged him to celebrate Peter's birthday a week early. So as you can see in this picture, Mattie created a model magic birthday cake for Peter. Peter had put in a full day at work that day, and then came to spend the night in the hospital with us. Which he did for over a year. I assure you if you think rest and sleep are possible in a hospital, I suggest you check into one for a night. The ironic part about hospitals is they are toxic, toxic to recovery and frankly to one's psychological health. You are living in a two by four of a room, sleeping on a chair, having hospital staff coming in and out of the room at all hours of the night, machines beeping and buzzing LOUDLY, and don't get me started about sharing a bathroom with the room next door. Actually when you think of the stresses we lived under for over a year, it becomes overwhelming clear why it is difficult to re-integrate back into society. Receiving this birthday cake meant a lot to Peter, and this model magic cake sits on Peter's bureau where we both view it each and every day.
A Happy Birthday Dad Poem (I know this poem captures the sentiments Mattie felt about Peter): Best Dad by Joanna Fuchs
Happy birthday to the best dad I know,
A father I love and respect,
A dad who fulfills all his duties
To teach, to guide, to protect.
If everyone had such a father,
A really good dad like mine,
The world would be so much better,
It would look like God’s own design.
Though Peter did not want to celebrate his birthday today, I felt compelled to acknowledge the day in a special way. I took him to the Four Seasons Hotel to have a massage. Going to the Four Seasons is a complete experience, because the staff and the whole facility make it enjoyable and memorable. I was introduced to this spa by my good friend, Junko. She took me there twice, and it left an impression on me. Peter would never treat himself to a massage but if I made an appointment for both of us, he would go. Mind you Peter loves massages, much more than I do. So I knew this would be something he would like, and also something he needed. We both feel stress and sadness, but these feelings exist in parts of our body that aren't always visible to those we interact with. None the less, I found that my stress was VERY visible to my therapist today. I have the aches to prove it!
Before we had massages, we spent time in a steam room. Frankly the trip to the Four Seasons is worth it to me just for the steam room. I thrive in 80 plus degrees with high humidity. Add the smell of eucalyptus to the steam, and I am in heaven. Peter has always referred to me as a hot house plant, and as the weather is getting colder, I miss our summer heat and humidity. So this was a treat for me today. They treated Peter very well at the spa. He enjoyed the massage and they even gave him a huge happy birthday fruit platter. Peter and I had two very different massage experiences. His was relaxing (thankfully!), and mine felt like I went to visit a chiropractor. My arms and neck were manipulated in ways today that are too painful to describe. The therapist said she hasn't seen knots this bad in a long time. Wonderful, I am off the chart, and remember her benchmark is already high based on her clientele in the Washington, DC area. Throughout the session, she was trying to guess my occupation and just what caused my stress and my body to be this contorted! Sometimes I tell people about Mattie, but I just did not feel like getting into it today. So instead, I let her guess what my issues are. Of course she did not come close. She deduced that I spend a lot of time driving in a car all day (with my hands raised up, which would cause my shoulders to scrunch up), with a phone balanced on my left shoulder rather than holding it in my hand (which I NEVER DO!), as well as sitting at a desk typing at a computer. One thing was abundantly clear from this session, and that is grieving is stressful. It has taken a massive toll on my body as well as Peter's. I guess I knew that on some level, but it doesn't register with me until I have an outsider working with me and looking at me absolutely shocked.
Peter and I had a nice lunch together as well today and chatted about all sorts of things. One thing we did touch upon was Sunday's Remembrance Ceremony at The Georgetown University Hospital. This ceremony acknowledges all the children who died at the Hospital. We went last year and we both spoke before all the attendees. This year Peter doesn't want to speak, and two weeks ago the notion of going sounded fine to me. Now as it is upon us, I feel uncertain about going. On one hand I want to acknowledge Mattie and tell people about him, and then on the other hand, I am not sure I want to share myself in this way. I am sure that sounds funny, since I do this each and every day on the blog. As we head into Sunday, I am not sure how we will feel about this ceremony, and more importantly I will be evaluating whether there is merit for us to do this each year.
Later today, I went to visit Mary (Ann's mom). Mary requested pizza and pears for dinner. So I did not disappoint. Before heading to Mary though, I stopped by to see my friend Tanja. Tanja made homemade chicken soup and she wanted Mary to have some, as well as some freshly baked cookies. Needless to say, Mary had a wonderful dinner. Mary and I spent a good portion of the evening chatting and I also did her nails. Each night before I leave Mary asks me whether she should wait up for Ann. Our usual routine is to do an Ann countdown, and I reminded Mary tonight that she only has ONE more day to go, and then Ann will be home. Mary asked me tonight if she should be worried about Ann or the kids...... and my answer was NO! My standard line with Mary is.... let me do the worrying. If there really is something to worry about, I will be the first person to let her know. She likes that response, and her come back line to me is typically...... you always tell me the truth. As my care for Mary is slowly coming to a close, I find that these moments we shared together this week only furthers our friendship and understanding for each other.
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