Tonight's picture was taken in the Fall of 2005. This was Mattie's first semester at Resurrection Children's Center. Margaret and Lana were his teachers and they really understood and nurtured him that year. I can clearly say the little boy that entered preschool that year was VERY different from the boy at the end of that school year. Within one year's time, Mattie learned how to make friends, how to be a good friend, and I could see him being happy with himself and what he was becoming. In this picture, you see Mattie playing with Zachary in the loft within their classroom. What you may not realize however, was the extensive amount of colored tape Mattie and Zachary used to block the entrance to the loft. In fact, Margaret told me by mid-semester Mattie used the entire year's supply of tape for the school. I was mortified, but Margaret handled it well and laughed. I think we were just so happy to see that Mattie was stimulated and engaged! I recall those days in the loft as if they were yesterday. Mattie's school was a cooperative preschool, and therefore about every month or so, I would volunteer in the classroom. This enabled me to see Mattie in action and to get to know his classmates. I was happy with that option back then and my level of participation, but in retrospect I am SO thankful I had this time with Mattie and got to see his relationship with Zachary grow and develop.
Quote of the day: The true resting place of the departed, lies in the hearts of the living. ~ Author unknown
As I was leaving our complex this morning, I bumped into my neighbor Kathleen. Kathleen is in her 80s, and she was very fond of Mattie. Whenever she would see Mattie and I together, she would come up to talk with us, and though it took Mattie a while to learn how to be patient through such conversations, he managed. Through our interactions with Kathleen, Mattie learned the importance of holding a door open, for helping her carry packages when she wasn't able to make it down the hallway, and to listen to adult conversation. Children can learn a lot from older adults, and I think they need to learn at an early age that when people are speaking you listen. You are not playing games, you are not watching TV, but instead are being respectful. None of this came easily to Mattie initially. Naturally he was a child, and children have other interests sometimes that do not entail standing still and listening to someone who may appear to be less energetic than one's self. But over time, Mattie won over Kathleen's heart. She told me today that every time she looks out the window and sees Mattie's frog sandbox she thinks of Mattie. She remembers his sweet personality and face. I couldn't have said it better and it was nice to know that I am NOT the only one who feels this way when I look at that frog! When Mattie developed cancer, each time we were home from the hospital, Kathleen would bring us flowers. Just to say she was thinking of us. I guess my interaction with Kathleen today just further confirmed the spirit that Mattie had and how he captivated those around him.
I had the opportunity to have lunch today with my friends Carolyn and Mary. Both are former Resurrection Children's Center moms, and both of them were instrumental members of Team Mattie. Not to mention valuable members of our Foundation's walk committees. We had fun talking about life and friendships. We had an interesting discussion today about trust. Trust is the backbone of a good friendship and relationship, but how is trust developed? What makes us inclined to trust some people in our lives and not others? Also what does it take to earn trust? I do think time does help one determine if a friend is trustworthy, however, the catch is that one has to be somewhat vulnerable at times in order to determine whether someone is trustworthy and capable of a long term friendship. So in essence it takes trust to develop trust.
I do think that with age, and experience, we are more sceptical to give our trust to others. We learn as adults that people may have ulterior motives, previous baggage, and an agenda when interacting with us. In a way it is sad that we have to be cautious when entering a new friendship or relationship, because wouldn't it be simply wonderful if we did not have these fears and worries and could just accept people for how they present themselves to us. If it were only that simple! It was a stimulating lunch and also a wonderful way to reconnect. Of course ending lunch with a piece of cheesecake never hurts the bonding moment either!
As we said our good-byes, I noticed Mary's purse. It was quite lovely and had wonderful detail work on it. I asked her about the purse and she told me she bought it at the Mattie Miracle Walk in 2009. I found that very touching, and felt as if a part of Mattie was with us today!
I received an email today from Linda, Mattie's childlife specialist. Linda knew I wanted to reconnect with Deborah, the "Bead Lady" at the Hospital. Mattie and I spent many a day with Deborah creating jewelry. In fact the bracelet I wear each day on my right wrist was created by Mattie with Deborah's help. Deborah was good for Mattie and also good for me. She helped take my mind off of some really hard moments and decisions, and in the process I got to look at and select some beautiful beads. I am meeting with Deborah at the Hospital next week, and it is my hope to meet with her each time she is there. I would like to learn how to make jewelry for various reasons. The primary reason is I need a creative outlet and the other reason is it would be wonderful if I could develop a line of jewelry for the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. Jewelry that I design and is inspired within me from Mattie.
As it is a Tuesday and the 61st week that Mattie is gone from our lives, I received an e-mail from Kristen today, Mattie's oncologist and our friend. Kristen remembers us each Tuesday and says, "Thinking of you this Tuesday and everyday....Much love." Mattie was a seven year old, who for some of us, is simply too hard to forget.
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