Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was in the outpatient clinic, and doing what he did best.... creating! Thank goodness there were art therapists, materials, and creative space in the clinic. This actually made going into clinic easier, because if it was just about the medicine, I am not sure we would have ever gotten Mattie through the doors of the hospital.
Quote of the day: Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. ~ Karl A. Menniger
As tonight's quote points out, listening is an art form. In fact, I have found that when you listen to people, what this seems to elicit is further conversation. Today, I ran into an acquaintance I have known for many years. She knows about Mattie and I also know she is a breast cancer survivor. However, I hadn't seen her for over six months or more. Today I learned that after 11 years post diagnosis, she had a cancer recurrence. Her first recurrence and this time in her lymph nodes. She talked with me about how scared she is and how she had a false sense of complacency because she had been with no evidence of disease for over a decade.
My friend had no symptoms, but thankfully goes for her mammogram every year and then also sees her surgeon. Her mammogram results were normal but when she visited her surgeon, the surgeon asked her to have an MRI. Literally the surgeon ordered the MRI for preventative reasons only. It was within the MRI that something was detected that required a biopsy. Which then confirmed cancer, leading to surgery and radiation. However, what if she didn't visit her surgeon each year? What if she just relied on the mammogram?
I have experienced issues with mammograms for myself and despite this advanced 3-D technology, it can't always provide clarity like a sonogram or MRI. Of course I know why these other diagnostics aren't routinely provided.... they are NOT cost effective. Plain and simple.
Just like many of the conversations I have with anyone diagnosed with cancer, our conversation today was VERY little about the medicine and MUCH MUCH MORE about the emotional and social impacts of cancer. When I mentioned to my friend that cancer is as much a psychological disease as a physical one, she paused, and then absolutely agreed. She says it takes a lot for her to stop her negative thinking and constant worries that swirl around in her head every day. I heard her, and I understand. Mattie maybe gone a decade now, but I remember what life was like when he was in treatment. Constant worries, constant fear, making life and death decisions under the worst of circumstances. It is an absolute mind game, and it takes great strength, courage, and determination to put these fears in a mental box, and find ways to function and thrive simultaneously.
In any case, my friend felt like I heard her, understood her, and appreciated her feelings. I feel I can do this because I learned from the greatest teacher, Mattie. We learned from Mattie the impact cancer has on the patient and everyone around him. He also showed us the importance of psychosocial care and why it is imperative that we advocate for it. It isn't the popular advocacy platform, but from our perspective it is the one that can make the most difference in the day to day life of a person with cancer.
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