Thursday, May 4, 2023

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. Mattie was in the hallway of the pediatric hospital unit, doing a physical therapy exercise. Mattie did not want to use his walker, so instead, I was the walker for the day. Do note that Mattie was wheelchair bound, so any steps he took was monumental. Of course there would be NO stepping at all if Anna (Mattie's physical therapist) did not turn therapy into a game. Mattie responded to all games and loved the participation of his close hospital friends. 

Quote of the day: A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl. ~ Stephan Hoeller

I know my life and days are not normal. Well normal in the sense that others can't always relate to my daily tasks and responsibilities. I absolutely get it, I can't believe what I am facing either on a daily basis. This morning was the usual race to get ready, because my dad's physical therapist was coming to work with him at our home. After all of these activities and dealing with the laundry, I returned a phone call. 

How it is possible that a call could transform my mood, but it did. Not for the better. In fact, after the call was over, I was agitated, angry, and depressed. All at the same time. There was nothing per se that triggered all these emotions from the call, other than it reminded me once again... I am DIFFERENT. I do not fit in, and my life is SUCK UP with intense caregiving tasks and huge responsibilities making it impossible to lead my own life. Needless to say, this wasn't a good mental place for me to be in all day. 

When Mattie was battling cancer, I sometimes had to isolate, and block out the world. I find my life isn't much different now from the social/emotional sense. The world maybe well intentioned, but I am not in the right place to be able to receive it. I don't feel like I can participate in normal conversations anymore and trying or pretending to only further upsets me. 

Peter's mom sent me a pineapple corer! She knows that I peel fresh fruit for my parents EVERY morning. It is a real labor. She sent me this in hopes that it would make cutting open a pineapple easier. So Peter tried it and believe it or not.... it works! 

It cuts the pineapple beautifully, within seconds!

Amazing, no?

When I came home today, after taking my parents out, I found an unexpected gift waiting for me. My friend and colleague, Nancy, sent me teas for Mother's Day. I happen to LOVE tea and drink it three times a day. There is something about the act of making tea and drinking it (even if I am working) that seems special to me.

A close up of the teas! Mother's Day is another challenging holiday for me, and Nancy's gift is reminding me of two things.... to take a moment for myself, and to always remember I am a mom.