Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2007. We were celebrating Mattie's fifth birthday that day! We hosted a party at the National Zoo. What a weather day.... talk about torrential rain! I thought the event was going to be a disaster. I contacted all the moms in the morning and said they needed to bring rain boots, raincoats, and umbrella because the naturalist was going to take us for a Zoo tour regardless of the weather. Mattie was into the movie, Lightning McQueen, so we ordered him a special cake. For years, Mattie held dearly to that toy car that was on top of the cake!
The Zoo gave all the children these adorable safari hats! All of Mattie's preschool class was invited to the party and truthfully the kids had a ball. In fact, the rain helped greatly! It made it feel like a real adventure. Because of the awful weather, there were very few visitors. It was like having the Zoo to ourselves! But to my surprise, the animals LOVED the rain. They were all out in it and frolicking around.
Quote of the day: To be rendered powerless does not destroy your humanity. Your resilience is your humanity. The only people who lose their humanity are those who believe they have the right to render another human being powerless. They are the weak. To yield and not break, that is incredible strength. ~ Hannah Gadsby
Sunday is the only day of the week where I can sleep a little longer. But last night I literally kept waking up, almost on the hour. I think it has just been a difficult week emotionally and I am so strung out from balancing bills, worrying about finances, the future, and the list goes on. By 8am, I was up, but because there aren't appointments or places we need to get to on a Sunday, I don't feel great pressure to stick to a morning schedule. Which helps me feel slightly less stressed.
When I woke up this morning, in my inbox, was a beautiful thank you note from a family who received a M&M Wish grant from Mattie Miracle. We granted their 8 year old son an iPad and Apple pen, which will help connect him to friends and family, be used as a distraction during his upcoming radiation treatments, and he is already using it for educational purposes and artistically creating up a storm. The photos of this little guy were priceless. Truthfully receiving this message today, reminded me that the work that I do, does matter.
I can't tell you how degrading it has been knowing that my spouse viewed me as a financial burden all our married life. Not only did this surprise me, as I never sat ideally by doing nothing, and always contributed perhaps in ways that you can't always put a price tag to, but most importantly I spent the last 16 years building Mattie Miracle. In these years, I have helped to raise close to $2M for the Foundation. I am certain, that after Mattie died, instead of starting the Foundation, I could have gone to work and earned an income and perhaps secured my future. But it never dawned on me that my future would be without my husband. If I knew what I know now, I would have made sure that I was financially independent, because what I learned from all of this, is the only one who is going to look out for me and my welfare is ME.
Later today, when I get that frenetic feeling inside, I went outside into the garden. I pulled out the greens bin and went at it. I pulled weeds, cut back vines, and shaped bushes. By the time I was finished, I filled up an entire bin! One thing is for certain at my house and that is there is always something to keep me busy.
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