Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. Mattie took Speedy Red for a spin in our commons area! Though Mattie only drove Speedy Red for about 2-3 weeks, it was an important purchase. It was in essence his last wish and therefore we were going to make it happen no matter what. I have to admit that I was nervous with Mattie driving, after all he had a Broviac Catheter coming out of his chest, he was connected to a pain pump and was on a portal oxygen machine. When Mattie first started driving, I sat in the passenger seat (or squeezed into the passenger seat) in order to guide his driving and provide instruction. But overall, Mattie caught on right away! I can remember this moment in time like it were yesterday! I also look at our commons area and say to myself..... we should never have left the city. Moving to our current house changed my future forever.
Quote of the day: Betrayal annihilates trust. The more trust there is to begin with, and the more deception is involved, the more damage is done. ~ Sandra Lee Dennis
Overall it was not a good day. I had trouble falling asleep last night and was up to around 3am. Of course now that the fans are gone, Indie was banging against my bedroom door at 7am. So I woke up tired and then the rest of the day did not go according to plan. Typically on Sundays we go out to brunch, but not today. Yesterday my dad was dealing with an allergic reaction to medication and today, he was dealing with constipation. Needless to say, trying to rationalize with my dad about his bodily needs is close to impossible. Most days I can put his Alzheimer's into perspective, but then there are days like today, where it is so challenging, I want to jump out the window.
By 2pm, I had to get out of the house! I couldn't go far, so I went into the backyard and spent two hours weeding and watering plants. I needed that outdoor time to equilibrate. It was a difficult weekend on every level and it is in these tough moments, I naturally reflect on the impossible.... life without my husband. I have a feeling no amount of time will enable my brain and heart to accept this reality.
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