Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Tuesday, February 6, 2018 --- Mattie died 438 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. Mattie was home in between treatments. As you can see Mattie was the ultimate multi-tasker. He was sitting on the floor doing water play. In one hand he was playing with his car and in the other was eating a rainbow sprinkled vanilla frosted donut. Mattie LOVED donuts, especially while on treatment. Since Mattie showed little interest in eating, we made sure he always had access to whatever he wished to eat. Regardless of what it was. This scene on the floor of our dining room was a typical occurrence! Cancer or pre-cancer, Mattie loved to do crafts, and water and clay play on the floor of our dining room. 


Quote of the day: It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done. ~ Vincent van Gogh

I forgot to post this photo of Sunny on the blog yesterday! This is classic Sunny! When you are not paying attention to him, he can sulk and look depressed. In those moments he takes to the couch or a bed. Truly he is one emotional beast, which I am sure was TOO much for his previous owner.

But there are aspects of Sunny that remind me of Mattie. Naturally I know one was human and the other is dog, nonetheless. I was talking with a friend today who lost a close friend to cancer. She was saying that in the Buddhist culture it is believed that the spirit of someone who died, remains on earth for a month or so, to help comfort those left behind. A rather touching notion, no? 

I know there really is no answer to the question... is there life after death? Certainly philosophers and religious scholars may debate this question and have different answers! But in the end we are left with the choice to come to our own beliefs and conclusions. Prior to losing Mattie, this whole discussion would have been the furthest from my mind. But I do think there are some losses that leave your world turned upside down and looking for north (a compass reference, to help you know where you are). 

My friend today is not Buddhist but she loved the visualization that her friend's spirit maybe around her. It's an interesting notion. I know after Mattie died, things happened that I can't physically explain. Nonetheless, I am not delusional and know what I saw and heard. Both episodes happened in my car. One day, I entered my car and I found the front passenger seat all the way down. Which is what I used to do with the seat to accommodate Mattie when he was in my car after surgery. Putting the front seat down allowed Mattie to stretch out his casted leg from the back into the front. However, I only arranged the seat like that when Mattie was alive and recovering from limb salvaging surgery! So the question is how did the seat get put into this position when myself and Peter never touched it!!!????? To this day, I am still stunned. It isn't like someone could have controlled the seat from outside the car. It had to be manually moved from inside and NO ONE had my keys or drove the car that day. 

I took the playing of my car seat as a sign from Mattie. In fact it was down right eerie! That was the first episode. The second episode happened while I was driving. I had the radio off. NO noise in the car. Yet while I was driving the radio turned on all by itself and what was it playing??? Try Dancing Queen, the ABBA song that Mattie always did his physical therapy to! In fact everyone at the hospital knew Mattie was coming down the hallway. They heard him first before seeing him. People would come out of their offices to find out where the music was coming from. When they saw it was from Mattie and his physical therapy entourage, people usually cheered him on! 

I can't logically explain the seat movement or the radio turning on by itself. Perhaps there is a scientific reason for both incidents. But I am sticking with the notion that Mattie was with me and trying to send me a message. Early on when Mattie died, I had great fear that in death he was still suffering and would be lost without me. Of course none of that makes sense, but grief isn't always logical. I needed those two signs and took them seriously. Which is why when my friend told how she felt today, I told her anything is possible. As long as you are open to experiencing the signs from our loved ones.  

Another cold gray day today! But my friends the Canadian Geese were out by the water front. They maybe a messy bird, but they are loyal and travel in packs. They are the highlight of the winter for me. It is wonderful to see them despite the temperatures. Of course, Sunny is very intrigued by them and would like to chase each one into the water! By the way...... the boot to protect Sunny's foot that was injured over a week ago, hasn't slowed him down at all. He is walking at a full clip again!!!