Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was home between hospital treatments and though Mattie wasn't able to go to Fall Festivals like we did in the past, we brought pumpkins to Mattie. Mattie absolutely loved these orange orbs and he particularly loved all pumpkin themed food! This Thanksgiving, I am baking a three layer pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting! A Mattie approved Autumn dessert!
Quote of the day: Unlike death, an ambiguous loss may never allow people to achieve the detachment that is necessary for normal closure. ~ Pauline Boss
I dropped my dad off at his memory care center today, and then went grocery shopping. It is my Friday ritual. In fact, if you speak to any trauma survivor, or someone dealing with loss and grief, you most likely will hear a similar theme! We thrive on consistency, structure, and routine. Why? Because it provides comfort and safety. Just like my grocery shopping routine, I also have a routine when I check out. I go to the self check out area, and while there, I have befriended a store employee. I do not recall what got us talking over a year ago, but what she tells me is that she is an introvert and typically doesn't chat with customers like she does with me. In any case, each Friday, we pick up where we left off the week before. Today, she started the conversation off by saying...... My mom said, XYZ, and I immediately thought of you! Why did she think of me? She thought of me, because I prepared her that XYZ was going to happen! Our conversation usually entails me listening, absorbing what she is saying, and then either reflecting back or providing commentary. She doesn't know anything about me. Does this bother me? Not in the least. In fact, for the most part this is typical of most of my connections. If I share things in a conversation, then it usually means I have a high level of trust and friendship with you. Rather funny, given that I write daily on the blog and those of you who read my words, know a lot about me. That maybe true because it is a pattern that started in a vulnerable moment, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Outside of the blog, rarely do I talk about myself or expect others to listen.
While driving back from the grocery store, I saw my neighbor outside with her son's dog. This dog has anxiety and typically doesn't get along with strangers. Guess who he loves? YES, he loves me. We relate to each other. I know when I see Roger, not to approach him. I have him approach me and I follow his cues. What Roger loves however, is when I call him 'a good boy.' If a dog could smile, then Roger beams with happiness. Any case, my neighbor was over wrought. She is caring for her son who is recovering from surgery and she is worn out from caregiving and trying to clean, cook, and do laundry. She feels comfortable talking to me about this because she knows how I spend my days. I told her that I would be looking for resources for her today and would send them to her. For one brief minute, I almost offered to help her, but then I didn't. I didn't because I have to be realistic, as I am balancing the care of two people already.
I reached out to the outreach coordinator at my dad's memory care center. I happen to love Erin. Without fail, Erin provided me the names, direct cell phone and email addresses of the owners of two home health agencies. What I like about these agencies is they were started and are run by health care providers who had the personal experience of needing help with a loved one, and the system failed them.
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