Tonight's picture was taken on October 20, 2008. I will never ever forget that day! We were in the pre-op area awaiting to meet the surgical team for Mattie's first limb salvaging surgery. To say I was stressed, was putting it mildly, but because Mattie was clued into my every move and emotion, I kept my fears, feelings, and thoughts to myself. As it was Mattie who mattered, not me, and I was determined to do whatever was necessary to try to stabilize the disease. Since Mattie's surgery was the first case of the morning, we were up and moving from his hospital room at 4am! Yet despite everything Mattie was enduring..... he was smiling! What an amazing fellow he was!!!
Quote of the day: When our grief cannot be spoken, it falls into the shadow and re-arises in us as symptoms. ~ Francis Weller
In just two days, I went from needing heat, to air conditioning, and now back to heat in the house. Truly it is enough to make a body unstable. Last night, it was literally 85 degrees inside the house. My parents love it that hot, but it was so hot and humid, that by 9pm, I said.... I CAN'T TAKE IT! So I turned the air conditioning back on. Literally within about an hour, the humidity was out of the house, and I could feel myself becoming calmer.
This morning, my mom had a physical therapy appointment. I prepared my mom last night for the fact that she had to get up early today. Yet if I did not move the process along, she would never have made it downstairs in time by 10am. I told her that now whenever she has appointments, I will be giving her 60 minute, 30 minute, and 15 minute reminders, because otherwise it is just too stressful. I am balancing my dad in the morning, who is a full-time assist, so I truly need my mom to manage timing more effectively. That said, I am aware that in order to accomplish this, I will need to provide her with a lot more structure.
While my mom was in her session, I drove my dad to his memory care center. On the drive home, I turned on the radio. Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, know that I am a country music fan. This love started early in life, because my dad loved country music. As a kid, he would turn it on in the car, so at a tender age, I learned about emotions, feelings, and human hurts that are so often expressed in country music. I am quite sure that this is why the music resonates with me, because it speaks to the human condition.
The song my dad and I used to get a chuckle over when I was a child was Sylvia's, Nobody. I think why my dad and I got a kick out of this song was because we both were rooting for the woman whose significant other was cheating on her! Literally we would sing right along with the lyrics! My dad and I operate under a strict moral code, we are loyal to the end, and we expect those in our lives will be this way too. Here is Nobody, in case you want to hear it:
When I got home, I moved from one task to the next. Including washing my mom's car by hand, driving it around for 15 minutes, and going to the bank. I absolutely LOVE our neighborhood bank. I know every woman in the bank and each one has helped me in numerous ways. While I was at the teller counter, there was a man at the next counter. He was making multiple deposits for a business. When he heard everyone say.... Good morning Victoria, he told me that he loved my name and that his sister is a Victoria too. Any case, both of the tellers, me, and the fellow next to me got to talking. Each of us has our own struggles and as I said to all of them.... we take it one day at a time. Which resonated with them. Then I joked with them, that several people I interact with, who are also struggling, talk about "living the dream." This made them chuckle. This is a comment that I absolutely love, and for the most part, when people use this line, they are being sarcastic. As they are not living a life that brings them love, support, and happiness. Any case, the four of us did not solve any problems today, but we definitely felt bonded over struggles! I mention this because it speaks to the human condition, we all need a listening ear and to feel understood. As I always say, the greatest words are..... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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