Thursday, October 1, 2026

Thursday, October 1, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That day, his preschool went on a field trip to Butler's Orchard in Maryland. Ironically, Mattie lasted in that preschool for about two months, after which, the director asked him to leave. I will never forget that director, her dysfunctional school, and the cast of parental characters. Keep in mind, this preschool director called me one day to ask my permission to put soap in Mattie's mouth. She said this would teach him not to bite anyone. Needless to say, I lost it and I wanted to bite her too!

The one positive of that school, was it introduced us to Butler's Orchard. It became a family favorite of ours! Since I did not trust this preschool director and going to Butler's Orchard required a bus trip, I volunteered to be a parent chaperone. There was no way I would have let Mattie go if I wasn't present. That said, I snapped this photo of Mattie out in the pumpkin patch and throughout the years, I captured many wonderful photos of Mattie in that exact location!

Quote of the day: A great battle is a terrible thing, the old knight said, but in the midst of blood and carnage, there is sometimes also beauty, beauty that could break your heart. ~ George R.R. Martin

I took this photo in October of 2004. These are my pumpkin cake cookies. Since Mattie was a big pumpkin fan, I came across this recipe, which he loved! After all these years, that he has been gone, I have never forgotten these cookies. I remembered them, but I haven't baked them since Mattie died. That is until this past weekend. 

This past weekend, I got my recipe out and baked these beauties. I wanted to mail them to my cousins who are celebrating a special wedding anniversary. Their wedding colors were purple and gold, so I tried to integrate these colors into the cookies. What is wonderful about these cookies is they are light and fluffy, like a cake, not a cookie. In any case, I think Mattie would be very pleased that I was sharing one of his favorite cookies with our family!

A friend of mine reached out to me today and asked if things were better for me now, than they were a year ago. It is a good question, but a question one may not want to hear the actual answer! Sure in theory, I am more stable than I was in 2023 (when I was separated), or in 2024 (when the divorce was finalized). But being more stable doesn't mean that I am happy, that I have moved on, or can easily dismiss my 35 years with someone. It is a hard feeling to describe, especially if you have never been in my position, yet when I talk to others living with a similar nightmare, we immediately get one another. It is a pain that follows me everyday and if I am not careful it can play games with my mind. 

Any case, given all that is weighing on me, I am going outside now to the garden. It was a beautiful 80 degree day in Virginia, and unlike others around me who are complaining, I am loving the heat and humidity!